Happy almost New Year, N2K reader!

We’ll be back on Friday — next year! — with your chance to vote on this week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ about how your AI companion is not your friend. I believe you — yes, you, dear reader! — can craft an incredible haiku on the subject. Send me your entry — to our spiffy new email address, haiku at cheddar dot com — by noon ET Thursday for consideration by your Cheddar peers!

But first…

—Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor

P.S. Don’t get too drunk tonight…and call your mom! (*If she’s, you know…around.)

News You Need2Know

• 10 things to be excited for in 2026

• The 2026 trends you won’t believe people are searc …

• Softbank drops $4 billion bet on AI’s backbone

• GM stock’s shocking comeback: Up 55%

• Poll of the day: You’re unconvinced

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

$SPX ( ▼ 0.14% ) $DJI ( ▼ 0.2% ) $NDX ( ▼ 0.24% )

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

$COST ( ▼ 0.25% )$UPS ( ▼ 0.04% )  $FDX ( ▼ 0.63% )  $D ( ▼ 0.32% )  $ADBE ( ▼ 0.18% )  $AVY ( ▲ 0.28% )  $SFTBY ( ▼ 0.75% )  $GM ( ▼ 0.72% )  $TSLA ( ▼ 1.13% )  $F ( ▼ 0.38% )  

10 things to be excited for in 2026

Some of these things are real. Some of them are the products of my over-exuberant imagination, then again, nobody can predict the future. Can you tell which are which?

1. Mourning the tragedy of 17% stock returns — I am truly devastated for American investors who only saw their portfolios jump 17% this year. In a totally hypothetical 23 years’ time, when I do happen to think I might be able to finally stop working, a very hypothetical $500,000 stock portfolio will be worth $18 million at that rate of annual return. My heart bleeds for those trailing behind the international markets that surged 29% (which, annualized, would send the same portfolio to $174 million over the same period). I think this means we should all spend 2026 in a state of constant terror because obviously the bubble is going to burst any minute. Isn’t it? 

2. Panicking over historically low unemployment — I cannot wait for more headlines about the softer labor market. It is indeed terrifying that unemployment is sitting at 4.6%, a number that is technically lower than it has been in 69% of the months dating back to 1948. Clearly, the sky is falling even if the data suggests the economy is awfully adaptable.

3. The CIA conducting a covert war in Venezuela — There is nothing like a casual announcement of a CIA drone strike inside Venezuela while eating steak at Mar-a-Lago to keep life spicy. I am excited to see what other international incidents get revealed between the president’s appetizer and main course in 2026.

4. Beyoncé's ongoing quest for financial security — It is a banner year for the musicians on the billionaires list now that Beyoncé has finally joined the likes of her husband, Jay-Z, and other luminaries like Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Paul McCartney, Dr. Dre, Madonna, Bruce Springsteen, and Bono. How do they all stay so humble?

5. The "AI-Symmetry" productivity paradox — In 2026, corporate efficiency will reach a paradoxical peak: 95% of all emails will be written by AI, and 95% of those emails will be summarized by AI for the recipient. For the first time in history, human beings will be entirely removed from the communication loop, yet somehow everyone will still be in meetings all day to discuss why no one is reading their emails. Then obviously we’ll all get laid off and need to eat pigeons.

6. The great fintech "re-banking" — After years of promising to "disrupt" the archaic banking system, the last remaining Neo-Bank will finally achieve its final evolutionary form: it will merge with a 150-year-old traditional bank, re-introduce monthly maintenance fees, and launch a revolutionary "paper check" feature. Investors will hail this as a breakthrough in "tangible asset-backed communication."

7. The pivot to "Ancestral Intelligence" — With Large Language Models having consumed every scrap of data on the public internet, AI companies will run out of "clean" data. In a desperate bid for growth, a major tech giant will launch Ancestral Intelligence (AnI)—a service that uses spiritual mediums to "scrape" the unrecorded conversations of the 14th-century peasantry. The company’s valuation will be a modest $1 trillion.

8. Economy space tourism — Following the success of billionaire orbital flights, 2026 will see the launch of "Orion Basic Economy." For a mere $50,000, you can be strapped into a pressurized cargo net in the back of a reusable rocket. There are no windows, no oxygen upgrades, and you have to pay $40 for a carry-on bag. Where you’re going, though, trust me: You won’t need it.

9. The rise of "analog-baiting" — In a final revolt against the digital age, the hottest "tech" startup of 2026 will be a company that sells a $1,200 block of wood called “The Un-Phone.” It has no screen, no battery, and no connectivity. Silicon Valley VCs will engage in a bidding war to fund it, calling it "the ultimate disruption of the attention economy," while ignoring the fact that it is literally just a piece of lumber.

10. The World Cup. The Winter Olympics. The 250th Anniversary of the United States. Vive la revolucion! Etcetera.

There is so much to live for!

Song of the Day: Busta Rhymes, Kendrick Lamar, ‘Look Over Your Shoulder’

Credit to the guy in the Costco $COST ( ▼ 0.25% ) parking lot who was listening to this amazing song loud enough in his car last week that I could use the Shazam app to figure out what it was. (Caution: There’s some quite heavy swearing including the n-word but also some amazing Michael Jackson samples and it’s also a thing called “rapping,” so I’ve warned you of the likely content, I feel. I also feel: It’s amazing!)

What are the markets really saying as the year ends?

EquitySet CEO Tony Zipparo offered a cautious and contrarian perspective on the market as the year concludes, particularly after the S&P 500 logged a third consecutive year of double-digit gains — a feat he "absolutely had not" expected, admitting he was "way wrong on the market as a whole front."

Zipparo expressed skepticism regarding recent economic data, stating, "I don't believe the headline numbers." He notes that GDP was only strong due to “AI and capex spending" and highlights concerns over inflation prints where "they omitted a lot... it's based on three data points instead of 15." This suggests "maybe a little bit of euphoria and belief in the numbers."

Looking ahead to 2026, Zipparo is eyeing a potential "rotation into some of those value names that have been beaten up." He pointed to "beaten up logistics names, those cyclicals," specifically mentioning UPS $UPS ( ▼ 0.04% ) , FedEx $FDX ( ▼ 0.63% ) , and Dominion Energy $D ( ▼ 0.32% ) , as well as undervalued technology names like Adobe $ADBE ( ▼ 0.18% ) and Avery Dennison $AVY ( ▲ 0.28% ) , which are "printing strong earnings."

He concluded with a note on risk, observing that when volatility is low and "things are quiet and there seems to be no negative headlines," that is "when the catalyst hits," warning of the potential for a "10, 20, 30% correction."

So we’re all in trouble. Thanks, Tony!

Quote of the Day

The 2026 trends you won’t believe people are searching for on Yelp

Yelp’s Tara Lewis, shared some remarkable insights from their 2026 trend forecast. The biggest takeaway, according to Lewis, is that people are “looking to reconnect, they're looking for calm and soothing ways to interact with people” across lifestyle and food.

So they get out their phones and open up an app full of reviews? Yep!

A stunning food trend is the Banana Pudding Matcha Latte, with searches increasing by a mind-boggling “36,000% on Yelp in searches year over year.” In wellness, Lewis highlighted "grandma hobbies" like scrapbooking and sewing classes. She sees these as a way for people to step away from "doom-scrolling," finding "intentional, mindful activities that are soothing and comforting" that end with a “tangible result that is comforting to people.” Value-seeking consumers are also flocking to all-you-can-eat experiences, up ”over 250% in general,” including Korean barbecue and hot pot. Lewis noted this trend helps with budgets and provides an ”interactive activity you can do while you're eating, so if you're not into the small talk, you have something to sort of bond over.”

Or, you know…you could find some more interesting friends. Perhaps the most unexpected trend Lewis noted was the rise of men’s toupés, with searches up 700%. She attributed this to modern, "undetectable" products that have gone “very viral right now on social media” as people seek new ways to "look great and love their hair." Or someone else’s hair. It’s true; I get served so much baldness content on the ‘gram that it is depressing.

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👎

Come back next year!

Softbank drops $4 billion bet on AI’s backbone

SoftBank $SFTBY ( ▼ 0.75% ) has bought DigitalBridge for $4 billion — known for its investments in data centers, cell towers, and fiber networks, DigitalBridge plays a pivotal role in the digital ecosystem. SoftBank’s billionaire founder, Masayoshi Son, has been vocal about the company’s ambition to lead in the next wave of technological advancements. The deal values DigitalBridge at $16 per share, a 15% premium over its last closing price. As of September, DigitalBridge managed $108 billion in assets. So many billions! I remember when $10 was a lot. Don’t you?

GM stock’s shocking comeback: Up 55%

While everyone was busy checking if their Cybertruck panels were still attached, General Motors $GM ( ▼ 0.72% ) quietly decided to stop vying for the "participation trophy" of the S&P 500 $SPX ( ▼ 0.14% ) . GM stock is up a staggering 55% this year, proving that if you buy back enough of your own shares and wait for the government to move the goalposts on emissions, miracles really do happen.

CEO Mary Barra has spent years telling anyone with a pulse that GM is “undervalued.” Apparently, she finally convinced the market — thanks to a massive Q3 earnings beat that sent the stock into a 19% weekly frenzy in October. Of course, Mary celebrated the move by selling roughly $73 million of her shares this year. Nothing says "I believe in the long-term vision of my company" like a massive personal exit strategy.

While Tesla $TSLA ( ▼ 1.13% ) limps along with a 17% gain and Ford $F ( ▼ 0.38% ) tries to remember where it left its profit margins, GM is basking in the glow of relaxed fuel economy rules and high-margin SUVs.

Poll of the day: Because I care what you think

Poll of the day: You’re unconvinced

We asked: “What do you think of Nvidia taking a $5B stake in Intel?”

You answered:

🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ It seems like a smart idea and I can totally see why Nvidia's shareholders would support the move. (59)

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 It seems like a good idea for Intel but bonkers for Nvidia. (147)

🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ I would answer this but I have that damned Intel "stinger" echoing in my brain. (93)

299 Votes via @beehiiv polls

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