Hello, N2K’ers!

The winner of last week’s world famous News Haiku™ competition is Bret Douglass, who had this to say about airlines being sued for offering “window” seats without windows:

Congratulations, Brett! He says, “thanks for the votes, Cheddar Heads! Keep reading and keep writing!” Here’s a celebratory image for you, Brett.

This week, our competition focuses on news that Albania’s prime minister has “hired” an AI-generated “Minister” (a.k.a. a robot) to root out corruption. Send me your haiku by Thursday at noon Eastern for consideration. Now let’s talk about the news you Need2Know, eh?

—Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• Albania appoints AI-generated ‘minister’ to tackle …

• United CEO says Spirit Airlines is doomed

• DOJ sues Uber over disability discrimination

• Paramount wants to buy Warner Bros.

• Microsoft & OpenAI strike new deal

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

$SPX ( ▼ 0.05% ) $DJI ( ▼ 0.59% ) $NDX ( ▲ 0.44% )

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

$MSFT ( ▲ 1.77% )  $UAL ( ▼ 2.54% )  $SAVEQ ( ▲ 0.43% )  $TSLA ( ▲ 7.36% )  $UBER ( ▲ 1.28% ) OpenAI

Albania appoints AI-generated ‘minister’ to tackle corruption

Albanian Prime Minister Edi Rama has announced the appointment of an AI-generated “minister” named Diella to tackle corruption within his administration. Officially introduced as part of Rama’s new Cabinet, Diella is not a physical entity but a virtual creation powered by artificial intelligence in collaboration with Microsoft $MSFT ( ▲ 1.77% ) .

“Public tenders will be 100% free of corruption,” Rama said in a Facebook post, emphasizing that Diella’s role would advance transparency and speed up governmental processes. In the past, once senses, Albanian public tenders were perhaps less than 100% free of corruption. Diella represents a forward-thinking attempt to address Albania’s long struggle with organized crime and corruption, issues that have plagued the country since the fall of its communist regime in 1990.

What can I tell ya, folks? You ditch communism, you invite problems. Just ask the Soviets.

Depicted wearing traditional Albanian folk attire, Diella initially launched as a virtual assistant on the e-Albania platform earlier this year. There, she gained recognition for helping citizens navigate public services, managing over 1 million digital documents.

However, the appointment has sparked skepticism. Gazmend Bardhi, leader of the Democratic Party parliamentary group, called the move unconstitutional, saying: “A prime minister’s buffoonery cannot be turned into legal acts of the Albanian state.”

Song of the day: Ed Sheeran, “A Little More”

Ed Sheeran’s new video features Rupert Grint from the Harry Potter series and is properly insane. These are the lyrics:

“I used to love you, now every day I hate you just a little more / Life got better when I lost you, but every day I hate you just a little more and more and more / Blame it on your history and say it’s not your fault / I can’t call you crazy ’cause you could be diagnosed.”

Go to therapy, Ed!

United CEO says Spirit Airlines is doomed

“Spirit Airlines is going out of business,” says Spirit United Airlines $UAL ( ▼ 2.54% ) CEO Scott Kirby, presumably twirling his mustache and cackling evilly.

When asked why he believed Spirit’s fate was sealed, Kirby quipped, “Because I’m good at math.” 

Spirit recently filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection for the second time in a year after struggling with high costs and declining customer demand. The low-cost carrier has cut routes and faced fierce competition from rivals which are steadily expanding their footprints in the cities Spirit serves. Kirby also criticized Spirit’s business model during the conference, stating, “You can’t have a business model that customers hate. You can’t have a business model predicated on ‘screw the customer.’”

Spirit hit back with a post on its X account:

Although they don’t, really, in as many numbers as they used to. In its Q2 report, Spirit issued a "going concern" warning, indicating "substantial doubt" about its ability to continue operations for the next year without additional liquidity. So perhaps Scott is right?

Today on the ‘gram: Oh, my Labubus!

Post of the day: Tesla stock back where it was 7 months ago

Quote of the Day

DOJ sues Uber over disability discrimination

The Department of Justice has filed a $125 million lawsuit against Uber $UBER ( ▲ 1.28% ) , accusing the ride-sharing giant of violating the Americans with Disabilities Act. The lawsuit alleges that Uber routinely discriminates against passengers with disabilities by denying rides, charging cleaning fees for service animal shedding, and imposing cancellation fees on riders “unlawfully denied service.”

For people with disabilities who rely on Uber for transportation, the impact has been significant. The DOJ’s lawsuit highlights that many riders have experienced delays, missed appointments, and even being stranded in unforgiving weather conditions due to these alleged violations. "For too long, blind riders have suffered repeated ride denials by Uber because they are traveling with a service dog," said Assistant Attorney General Harmeet K. Dhillon. She added that the department aims to “end this persistent discrimination” and enforce the ADA’s guarantees of equal access and opportunity.

Uber has pushed back against the allegations, claiming it has policies to ensure compliance with accessibility laws. A spokesperson said “riders who use guide dogs or other assistive devices deserve a safe, respectful, and welcoming experience on Uber—full stop.”

The problem for Uber is that the DOJ’s case includes allegations from numerous riders, suggesting systemic issues.

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👍️ 

Yes. Last week was simply super on the stock market.

Paramount wants to buy Warner Bros.

David Ellison, the newly appointed head of Paramount $PSKY ( ▲ 7.62% ) , ever since he nepo-bought the company last month, is evidently feeling flush since his daddy Larry became the world’s richest man again last week.

The junior Ellison, 31, is reportedly now planning to nepo-acquire Warner Bros. Discovery $WBD ( ▲ 16.7% ) , a company valued at $41 billion. The ambitious nepo-bid would unite major entertainment brands under one roof, including HBO, CNN, CBS News, and Warner Bros. studios, which house iconic franchises like Harry Potter, Batman, and Game of Thrones.

Ellison’s nepo-plan aims to capitalize on both streaming and traditional TV markets. The proposed deal, which includes cash financing, is a bold move given Warner Bros. Discovery’s hefty $35 billion debt, or (checks notes) a tenth of Larry’s net worth.

Critics anticipate regulatory challenges, particularly with CNN coming under the same corporate umbrella as CBS News. On the other hand, fortune tends to favor the bold.

Microsoft & OpenAI strike new deal

Microsoft $MSFT ( ▲ 1.77% ) and OpenAI have signed a non-binding deal that sets the stage for OpenAI to restructure itself into a for-profit entity. It marks a significant evolution in one of the most influential partnerships driving AI innovation, as OpenAI positions itself to attract capital, refine its governance structure, and prepare for a potential public offering.

Details of the new agreement remain under wraps, but the companies are working toward finalizing a definitive deal. “This is a natural next step as OpenAI seeks to align its structure with its ambitious goals for AI development,” said Bret Taylor, chairman of OpenAI’s nonprofit board.

Microsoft, which has already invested over $11 billion in OpenAI since 2019, appears eager to maintain access to OpenAI’s cutting-edge innovations. However, the partnership’s exclusivity may shift, as OpenAI expands its partnerships, including its recent $300 billion deal with Oracle.

These structural changes face regulatory scrutiny, as approval is required from state attorneys general. Despite these hurdles, OpenAI aims to finalize the conversion by year-end to ensure billions in funding remain secure.

Poll of the day: Merger? Or not?