This week’s world-famous-news-haiku-competition™ is about how August jobs numbers smashed forecasts, adding pressure on Fed Chair Kevin Warsh to raise interest rates to cool inflation, because he contends that the labor market is robust enough to take such a cut without pushing the economy into a recession. Send me your entry — to haiku at cheddar dot com — by noon ET Thursday, for consideration by your Cheddar peers. (Don’t worry if you get a bounceback email. The mailbox is working, it’s just been inundated with haikus lately, thank goodness!)

Now, news!

Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor

Table of Contents

• Apple Might Unveil Folding iPhone Today

• The Secret Theranos Doc Everyone's Talking About

• Hollywood Had A Record Summer, or Did It?

• Canada Fires Back With New Tariffs

• Europe’s Private Space Firm Gets Competitive

• Poll of the Day: Foldy Foldy Foldy

What’s the Stock Market Up To, Eh?

$SPX ( ▼ 0.58% )  $DJI ( ▼ 1.18% )  $NDX ( ▲ 1.59% )  

Companies Mentioned in Today’s Newsletter

$AAPL ( ▼ 1.17% )  $GOOGL ( ▼ 0.03% )  $SSNLF ( ▲ 115.5% )  $NKE ( ▼ 0.78% )  $IMAX ( ▲ 1.98% )  

Apple Might Unveil Folding iPhone Today

After 20 years of boring flat iPhones, Apple $AAPL ( ▼ 1.17% ) fans might finally get a folding one today. People expect the company to introduce a bendable display that opens and closes like a book. The base version of this bendable beauty will most likely hover around $2,000. David Vogt, an analyst at investment bank UBS, told the New York Times the phone has a “wallet issue.” That could ruin the classic Apple “halo effect” where you walk in for a phone and walk out with a phone, plus some AirPods. It's a retail thing. 

The launch will also tests whether John Ternus, who took over as CEO last week, can push the company to innovate. Apple did very well under former CEO Tim Cook, but hasn't created new categories like Steve Jobs did. Bob O'Donnell of TECHnalysis Research said a foldable phone shows “a side of Apple that we haven’t seen in a long time.”

Meh. I'd argue that a folding iPhone incorporating Google's $GOOGL ( ▼ 0.03% ) AI is hardly a rocket to the moon. Analysts point out that Samsung $SSNLF ( ▲ 115.5% ) has had one for a while and it's hardly made a dent in sales. Why is folding an iPhone in half the feature that makes people want to upgrade? I'm not a betting man. I'm not a prediction markets man either. But I'll wager that the firm's stock falls on the launch. 

Bring us a compelling AI device. Bring us a whole different category of tech product we didn't know we needed. Don't turn into the Nike $NKE ( ▼ 0.78% ) of tech. That's the risk, here. 

Quote of the Day

The Secret Theranos Doc Everyone's Talking About

Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes is terrifying. That's the upshot of a new documentary by absurdist comedian Nathan Fielder. Fielder's documentary, You Can See Everything, premiered at the Telluride Film Festival. The reviews are that it is bat-bonkers crazy. 🤪

Fielder said, “I’m really struggling to this day to understand what I experienced.” He added, “I’m excited for this movie to come out and for people to help me with what I experienced.” And, “We are all smart, operating at the top of our game, yet no one could reach a consensus on what was happening in the house."

While Holmes serves her time in a Texas federal prison camp, she and partner Billy Evans are plotting. They want “to launch a new and improved Theranos,” Fielder said. I can't bear to watch the clip circulating on Twitter, yet. But by the time the film launches to the public on October 16, I may have come round. Who knows!

Hollywood Had A Record Summer, or Did It?

Did Hollywood have a record summer? Only if your definition of "record" is fewer people paying twice as much. According to Hollywood’s accounting, this summer was a record. And it's true, movies pulled in a record $4.76 billion at the domestic box office. That's a strong number compared to the past few years, and Hollywood is right to crow about it. 

That said, if you adjust for inflation, it makes the supposed comeback more complex. When you translate box office totals into today’s dollars, 2026's haul is 17% less than 2019's, equal to $5.7 billion. Actual ticket sales are also down 30 percent from that same pre-pandemic period. That translates to a whopping 248 million missing tickets, the New York Times reports. 

So, how is the industry faking this blockbuster glow? Simple: They are charging us a fortune. Theaters are relying on premium formats like IMAX, where tickets average $20. IMAX $IMAX ( ▲ 1.98% ) chief executive Rich Gelfond told the Times, “We call it the IMAX awakening. We’re capturing more and more of the market."

I bet you do, Rich. And, I bet you are.

Meanwhile, the films themselves are a mixed bag. Spider-Man: Brand New Day made $2.4 billion around the world. The Odyssey made $1.63 billion around the world, too. Cast Zendaya and Tom Holland if you want a hit, it seems. Meanwhile, other supposed "surefire" hits like Minions & Monsters collapsed. It made $518.1 million around the world, or $600 million less than the previous two Minions films. Still, half a billion bucks on an $85 million budget is still a profit of four times your expenses. I'd take it. 

Song of the Day: Beyonce, ‘Can I Watch You?’

Jay-Z’s wife has got a new song out with Pharrell Williams on it, and I must say it’s rather raunchy to the point where it’s unavailable on YouTube, just like this newsletter. Here it is on Spotify, though.

Canada Fires Back With New Tariffs

The Great White North has clapped back at Uncle Sam. It has announced a wave of retaliatory tariffs on $28 billion of American goods. Canada's new levies range from 15% to 50%. 

If you are an American trying to sell milk, steel, or golf clubs to Canada, prepare for a 50% tariff. Meanwhile, household essentials like cheese and toilet paper are getting 25% tariffs. It’s a bold strategy: Making it expensive for Americans to play golf and for Canadians to... well, use the restroom. Although Canada has plenty of its own toilet roll, it turns out. 

Canada’s Prime Minister Mark Carney said, "There’s always a cost to action, but it doesn’t come close to the cost of standing still."

Donald Trump took to social media, sharing a map of Canada overlaid with the American flag. He also threatened to halt sales of Canadian Bombardier jets in the U.S.

Canadian businesses are pleading for calm. The Canadian Chamber of Commerce said, “Businesses understand retaliation." But they "don't want to see endless escalation."

At least Canada was polite enough to exempt American lobsters from the tariffs. 🦞

Free Yourself From Advertising Forever!

Europe’s Private Space Firm Gets Competitive

Europe’s quest for space independence has gotten a fiery upgrade. For years, European space missions have looked a bit like someone waiting for an Uber $UBER ( ▼ 3.47% ) that never shows up. They have relied on Elon Musk’s SpaceX $SPCX ( ▲ 3.73% ) to haul their satellites into orbit. But over the weekend, Munich-based startup Isar Aerospace changed the game. Their Spectrum rocket reached orbit and deployed satellites on its second test flight.

Isar’s Stella Guillen said the satellite sector needs alternatives. The industry is “desperate” for more launch capacity, she said. It’s a seller’s market in the stars, with Guillen adding, “The demand is so big... There’s a lot of new... constellations and new projects that have come out, and actually they’re financed.”

How financed? Try a staggering commercial pipeline exceeding 10 billion euros ($11.6 billion). Politicians are over the moon. Germany’s Chancellor Friedrich Merz said, “This marks the beginning of a new era." 

Catching up to SpaceX is going to mean building rockets like they’re cheap sedans. The ultimate goal is being able to launch not one rocket but hundreds of rockets. If Isar can keep up this momentum, Europe might finally stop hitchhiking. Watch your back, Elon — the Germans are coming for your market!

Should You Check Your 401(k) Today?

👎️ 

Nope.

Poll of the Day: Foldy Foldy Foldy

Poll of the Day: Tesla’s Regulatory Approach

How do you think Tesla will handle the government investigation into its Cybercab lacking a steering wheel, pedals, or brakes?

⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Honestly, steering wheels are just legacy bloat. If you still need a brake pedal, you clearly don't have enough faith in the neural network. (4)
🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨⬜️ It is peak Tesla to design a futuristic car without steering wheels or brake pedals, show them off at a shiny party in Austin, and then act completely blindsided when the NHTSA opens a safety investigation the very same day. (104)
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Tesla's regulatory defense is going to be magnificent. They will claim that since the Cybercab doesn't have mirrors or pedals, it technically isn't a 'car,' either, and therefore federal car regulations don't apply. (110)
🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨 You guys are playing checkers while Elon is playing 4D chess. He isn't going to spend years begging NHTSA Administrator Jonathan Morrison for safety waivers. I think Elon Musk will just try to buy the federal government. (108)
326 Votes

via @beehiiv polls

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