This week’s world-famous-news-haiku-competition™ is about how crypto exchange Binance is scrambling to recover from the biggest heist in crypto history. Send me your entry — to haiku at cheddar dot com — by noon ET Thursday, for consideration by your Cheddar peers.

Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor

Table of Contents

• Apple Shares Slump on Growth Fears

• Disney Eyes Thousands of Layoffs

• FIFA Boss Secures VIP Visa for Housekeeper

• S&P 500, Nasdaq Edge Up Ahead of Midterms

• Divorce Lawyers Fret as Clients Use AI for Cases

• Poll of the Day: I’m Shocked, SHOCKED…

What’s the Stock Market Up To, Eh?

$SPX ( ▲ 0.36% )  $DJI ( ▼ 0.38% )  $NDX ( ▲ 1.59% )  

Companies Mentioned in Today’s Newsletter

$AAPL ( ▼ 1.9% )  $DIS ( ▲ 0.95% )  $GS ( ▼ 0.29% )  $JPM ( ▼ 0.76% ) $IT ( ▼ 13.19% )  $SHOP ( ▼ 8.74% )  $NVDA ( ▲ 2.29% ) $AMD ( ▲ 3.65% )  $MS ( ▲ 0.19% )  

Apple Shares Slump on Growth Fears

Even delivering a record $114.48 billion revenue quarter isn't enough to satisfy Wall Street when the cost of memory chips goes through the roof. Apple’s $AAPL ( ▼ 1.9% ) new CEO John Ternus celebrated what he called Apple’s “best fiscal year ever,” only to watch the tech giant's shares slip up to 4% as investors focused squarely on shrinking holiday margins.

So, why are traders hyperventilating over a company pulling in over $30 billion in quarterly profit? Blame the global AI frenzy, which is hoovering up memory chips and driving component prices into the stratosphere. As Ternus bluntly admitted on the earnings call, “What we’re seeing with memory pricing right now is unprecedented.”

To make matters worse, Apple's legendary supply-chain magic is showing its limits. Chief Operating Officer Sabih Khan conceded that “we’re seeing less flexibility in the supply chain than normal,” forcing Apple to commit an extra $33 billion to suppliers just to secure hardware.

Apple’s solution? Jacking up prices across the board — from $100 price hikes on iPhones to launching the jaw-dropping $1,999 foldable iPhone Duo (complete with its screen cracks). But Wall Street isn't convinced that charging vast sums for smartphones will cover the margin crunch. Analysts were quick to point out the trouble ahead. Ben Barringer, head of technology research at Quilter Cheviot, noted, “Where investors were left wanting was in the margin,” adding that “once those tariff benefits roll off, the margin will get hit.” Oppenheimer analyst Martin Yang similarly cautioned, “We see insufficient upside to justify the premium,” pointing to Apple's lofty stock valuation relative to slower expected growth.

Quote of the Day

Disney Eyes Thousands of Layoffs

Even the happiest place on Earth isn't immune to corporate austerity. Walt Disney $DIS ( ▲ 0.95% )  is reportedly eyeing thousands of job cuts as CEO Josh D’Amaro directs managers to target a steep 20% in annual cost savings.

What turned the Magic Kingdom into a cost-cutting battleground? Disney is navigating a minefield of modern media headaches: the rapid growth of AI, weaker box office returns, intensifying streaming competition, and a slump in international theme park attendance.

Details of the restructuring emerged after “people familiar with the matter” revealed the 20% reduction target to the New York Post. When asked about the sweeping plan, “Disney did not immediately respond to a request for comment.” Which usually, you know, means it’s true. But it might not, of course.

Where is all that saved cash heading? D’Amaro plans to reinvest part of the savings into film and TV programming, tech, theme parks, and cruise ships. Apparently, in modern Hollywood, you have to pink-slip the team to fund the next cruise liner.

With a global workforce of about 231,000 people at the end of fiscal 2025, Disney has made downsizing a regular ritual. Under former CEO Bob Iger, the company cut 7,000 roles in 2023 to save $5.5 billion, followed by 1,000 positions chopped in April and several hundred more across HR and tech divisions in September. Disney isn't alone in trimming headcount either — entertainment rivals like Netflix $NFLX ( ▲ 1.73% )  and Skydance $SKYD ( ▲ 0.12% ) are similarly slashing jobs to shore up profitability.

FIFA Boss Secures VIP Visa for Housekeeper

Global soccer supremo Gianni Infantino knows a thing or two about gaming the system, but his latest power play happened off the pitch. When the Trump administration revoked the legal status of his Nicaraguan housekeeper, Yajarlin del Socorro Fernandez, the FIFA president didn't look for new help — he allegedly enlisted former Goldman Sachs $GS ( ▼ 0.29% ) banker Carlos Cordeiro to pull strings with federal immigration officials, the New York Post reports.

Internal panic quickly spread through the soccer organization. “You cannot keep paying her through us, because she’s going to get deported,” warned one anxious FIFA insider. “If she gets caught by ICE, we would have a problem.” Despite warnings, FIFA kept Fernandez on its corporate payroll for months after her work authorization lapsed. When asked about his role in the arrangement, Cordeiro simply claimed he was “not aware of the story.”

Eventually, Fernandez landed a rare C11 parole work permit, raising serious questions among legal experts. Prominent immigration attorney Michael Wildes highlighted the blatant double standard. “The everyday noncitizen has virtually no chance of getting the kind of re-parole and new [work permit] issuance that this individual received,” Wildes noted. He added that she enjoyed “a level of favorable treatment that is entirely out of reach for the vast majority of noncitizens.”

The backdoor maneuver exposes a hypocritical streak for an executive who promised to clean up soccer's governing body. As one insider with direct knowledge bluntly observed, “If Infantino and his wife hired a maid without legal status, they have spat in Trump’s face and his policy agenda.” The source added, “They behave like kings and queens and think they are entitled to have servants.”

Song of the Day: Queens of the Stone Age, ‘Run Away From the Mob’

This is the closing track on Queens of the Stone Age's ninth studio album, Perfecth. Critics and fans view the song as a compelling, uniquely structured punctuation mark to a divisive, mellower album that swaps their traditional wall of heavy desert rock for a bare-bones, introspective, and almost folk-influenced atmosphere.

S&P 500, Nasdaq Edge Up Ahead of Midterms

Nothing warms the hearts of Wall Street investors quite like the comforting prospect of complete political gridlock. Ahead of the U.S. midterm election results, the S&P 500 climbed 0.29% and the Nasdaq rose 0.62%, even as Big Tech heavyweights like Apple fell 2% over soaring memory chip costs.

Why the sudden market optimism amidst political anxiety? Traders are banking on voters splitting Congress to ensure Washington stays delightfully unhelpful. As Kim Forrest, chief investment officer at Bokeh Capital Partners, bluntly put it to Reuters, “A divided government seems to be very good for markets because no new legislation can get put through.” In short, when politicians can’t pass laws, they can’t disrupt the market.

A welcome drop in crude oil prices also fueled the rally as Brent crude fell over 1%, helped along by developments surrounding Middle East peace. When reporters asked President Donald Trump on Monday if he was considering striking Iran after the midterms, he delivered a refreshingly succinct “No.” Meanwhile, analysts at J.P.Morgan $JPM ( ▼ 0.76% ) were quick to advise clients, framing any geopolitical market dips as a “buying opportunity.”

At the same time, tech investors tried to bounce back from recent sell-offs that pushed the tech-heavy Nasdaq-100 into correction territory over massive artificial intelligence spending. Though software stocks took a beating — with Gartner $IT ( ▼ 13.19% )  dropping 17.2% and Shopify $SHOP ( ▼ 8.74% )  sliding about 10% — chipmaker Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 2.29% )  jumped 2.7% and AMD $AMD ( ▲ 3.65% )  gained 4% to buoy tech sentiment. Optimism is spreading across trading desks, with Morgan Stanley $MS ( ▲ 0.19% ) analysts writing in an investor note that the U.S. market correction is in its “final innings.”

Let’s hope so, eh?

Free Yourself From Advertising Forever!

Divorce Lawyers Fret as Clients Use AI for Cases

Divorce is already emotional and expensive, but introducing chatbots into custody fights is turning family courts into absolute chaos. Desperate to bypass costly attorney retainer fees, clients are increasingly leaning on generative AI to draft pleadings, craft legal tactics, and get 3:00 a.m. advice, the Wall Street Journal reports. In a survey of 133 attorneys at family-law firm Cordell & Cordell, 80% reported receiving AI-generated notes, strategy lists, or draft filings directly from clients. But as Toronto family lawyer Steven Benmor warned the WSJ, forcing an attorney to audit a chatbot's legal hallucinations will only bloat your bill. His advice is blunt: “Don’t spend money unduly by asking a human expert to enter into a debate with a robot expert.”

Why are people taking legal direction from an algorithm? Chatbots offer immediate responses, but they routinely accept client biases at face value and fabricate non-existent legal rules. Georgia pastor Logan Burns used ChatGPT to handle his custody proceedings, observing, “It was doing the job of a lawyer, or at least a paralegal.” However, after a judge shot down his AI-inspired jurisdictional argument, Burns conceded, “ChatGPT gave me the baseline information. But it doesn’t give you the interpretation of law.”

Worse, AI blindly validates client financial claims without verifying the receipts. Los Angeles attorney Hossein Berenji represented a client whose chatbot promised an "easy win" on slashing spousal support payments. Berenji noted that the AI “simply accepted our client’s narrative regarding his finances,” creating a mess that took two law firms and nearly two years to clean up. Meanwhile, Denver lawyer Maha Kamal faced an ex-spouse spamming nine AI-crafted filings — including one citing fake legal doctrines — warning, “It could be used as a form of litigation abuse.”

A chatbot might validate your ego for $20 a month, but it seems it could prove a lot more expensive during a divorce.

Should You Check Your 401(k) Today?

👍️ 

Sure, why not?

Poll of the Day: I’m Shocked, SHOCKED…

Poll of the Day: Did You Get It Right?

We asked: Who will control the U.S. Senate after today's midterm elections?

You answered:

🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ The Republicans (70)
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 The Democrats (361)
431 Votes via @beehiiv polls

Need2Know is covered by Cheddar’s Terms of Service.

*We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. This post may also contain other affiliate links, meaning when you click the links and make a purchase, Cheddar receives a commission at no extra cost to you.

P.S. So, you remember the cheese puns that used to open this newsletter? Suffice to say, they were divisive. Now, thanks to a thing called “dynamic content options,” I can offer you the option to see cheese puns again, if you’re one of the thousands who got in touch bemoaning their departure six months ago. All you need to do is answer “true” on this survey, and submit it. If you never want to see cheese puns in this newsletter again, don’t click that link, don’t fill out the survey, don’t submit it. Just keep reading and pretend this conversation never happened. Mmmkay? Thank you.