Happy Wednesday !

This week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ is about how JP Morgan is monitoring its junior bankers’ working hours with tech. Send me your entry — to haiku at cheddar dot com — by noon ET Thursday, for consideration by your Cheddar peers.

And now for some news you really N2K!

Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• Computer chip company will sell computer chips

• Real estate agents are people, too, you know…

• The "Tehran TACO trade" is giving investors indige …

• This company turned poisonous on the campaign trai …

• Grads face a brutal job market

What’s the stock market up to, eh?*

$SPX ( ▼ 0.37% ) $DJI ( ▼ 0.18% ) $NDX ( ▼ 0.84% )  

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

$PLTR ( ▼ 3.77% )  $JPM ( ▲ 0.86% )  $SFTBY ( ▼ 3.65% )  $META ( ▼ 1.84% )  $OPENAI ( 0.0% )  $NVDA ( ▼ 0.25% )  $QCOM ( ▲ 0.25% )  $AMZN ( ▼ 1.38% )  $MSFT ( ▼ 2.68% )

Computer chip company will sell computer chips

After 35 years of selling its egghead chip designs, Arm Holdings, a computer chip company, is finally going to sell actual computer chips again. The British semiconductor giant, owned by Japan's SoftBank $SFTBY ( ▼ 3.65% ) , announced Tuesday it will manufacture and sell its own microprocessor for the first time since its 1990 founding.

The firm’s new chip is aimed at (what else) AI data centers — and Meta $META ( ▼ 1.84% ) and OpenAI $OPENAI ( 0.0% ) have already signed on as early customers.

New Street Research analyst Pierre Ferragu called it "the most significant strategic pivot in the company's history."

Arm pioneered the intellectual property licensing model, collecting royalties from hundreds of companies using its chip architectures. That technology powers nearly every smartphone on earth, but, with AI infrastructure booming, the company is betting it can capture more value by going direct.

Not everyone's thrilled. The move risks alienating licensees like Nvidia $NVDA ( ▼ 0.25% ) , Qualcomm $QCOM ( ▲ 0.25% ) , Amazon $AMZN ( ▼ 1.38% ) , and Microsoft $MSFT ( ▼ 2.68% ) — who now become competitors. Samples are shipping now, with production use expected by year-end.

Song of the Day: Beabadoobee, ‘All I Did Was Dream of You’

Here’s an atmospheric blend of '90s shoegaze, trip-hop, and alt-rock that captures a sense of nostalgic longing. I long for a nice slice of cheese, personally, and it’s only been four minutes since my last one.

Real estate agents are people, too, you know…

Behind every property transaction lies a human story, and sometimes those stories are rather nice. Three real-estate agents recently shared the tear-jerker moments that reminded them why they love their work with the Wall Street Journal, proving that selling homes is about far more than square footage and closing costs.

I just pity the poor reporter who had to go digging for human interest stories from these people. It must have taken years.

For Naples agent Lauren Taranto, an unexpected rainstorm turned into serendipity. When she spotted a newlywed couple getting drenched during their beach photoshoot, she invited them into a stunning $12.75 million listing to continue their celebration. "They climbed the staircase and took a few more photos," Taranto recalled. "We just toasted with water in plastic cups. It was informal, but darling and a magic moment."

Then she told them what the house cost, and I assume they broke down in tears.

In California, Joan Lamond helped orchestrate an unforgettable surprise for a family of six. After parents secretly purchased their dream home, Lamond created a scavenger hunt for their four children. When the kids finally decoded the message; "This house was purchased by us!", emotions overflowed. "The moment that stayed with me the most was seeing the oldest son, a teenager, get emotional, with tears streaming down his face," Lamond shared. "There wasn't a dry eye among us."

I just hope that child soon learns that the only appropriate place for emotions is in a tightly-screwed jar buried deep beneath your stiff upper lip.

Meanwhile, New York agent Deanna Lloyd helped a buyer transform a Tribeca condo walkthrough into a surprise proposal, calling it "incredibly rewarding."

I’d marry you, too, if you proposed to me in a Tribeca condo, FYI.

The "Tehran TACO trade" is giving investors indigestion

Markets got a jolt of relief Monday when President Trump announced "very good and productive conversations" with Iran, but investors are keeping their antacids handy.

After a dismal overnight session that saw Dow futures down 400 points, Trump's Truth Social post triggered a stunning reversal, sending the Dow up 1,000 points. The president announced a five-day postponement of strikes on Iranian energy infrastructure, citing progress in talks. Remarkably, traders made bets worth half a billion dollars in the oil market about 15 minutes before Donald Trump’s post.

Then came the plot twist: Iranian television reported no talks had occurred and that Trump had simply "backed down."

Welcome to the TACO trade — "Trump Always Chickens Out" — according to Daniela Hathorn, senior market analyst at Capital. "First, he escalated with his weekend threat to start bombing Iranian civilian energy infrastructure, but then he walked it back with his announcement Monday morning."

The pattern is becoming familiar. As Hathorn explained, "markets are far more sensitive to signs of de-escalation because positioning had already skewed heavily toward downside risk."

Not everyone is buying it. Former J.P. Morgan $JPM ( ▲ 0.86% ) strategist Marko Kolanovic warned that telling investors what they want to hear "could ultimately backfire."

Bob Elliott, CEO of Unlimited Funds, captured the uncertainty perfectly: "Maybe it's a TACO, maybe it's a negotiating tactic, or maybe it's a ruse. No one knows for sure, maybe not even Trump himself. What's a lot clearer is that we are in a structurally higher volatility environment these days."

Ya think?

Quote of the Day

This company turned poisonous on the campaign trail 

The data intelligence giant Palantir has emerged as an unexpected lightning rod in congressional races across America, as Democrats weaponize the company's immigration enforcement work against opponents with any financial ties to the firm.

In Texas's heated 33rd district primary, Democratic challenger Colin Allred is hammering representative Julie Johnson over stock she held in the Peter Thiel-backed company, accusing her of "making thousands from the company ICE uses to track and detain our neighbors."

The attacks are resonating nationwide amid public anger over deportation policies. "For people who care, Palantir is the apogee of state surveillance," one Democratic strategist told the Financial Times. "Voters are frightened of what surveillance can be, and Palantir owns that space."

A campaign group called Purge Palantir has convinced five House members and one senator to publicly refuse further donations from the company. Other lawmakers are quietly divesting; New York's Tom Suozzi sold his shares after his investment made headlines.

Palantir is fighting back, hiring Democratic lobbyists to reshape its image. "There's a massive perception-versus-reality gap with Palantir," said newly hired lobbyist Cristina Antelo, who is literally paid to say that. "Democrats angry with Trump have misplaced that anger at a U.S corporation."

Even Republicans aren't immune — Florida gubernatorial candidate James Fishback has pledged to ban Palantir from state contracts, citing surveillance concerns.

Free yourself from advertising forever!

Grads face a brutal job market

"The struggle is real."

That blunt assessment from a university career counselor captures the brutal reality facing this year's college graduates. It's the worst spring for young degree holders since COVID-19 shuttered the economy.

The numbers tell a grim story: Unemployment for college graduates ages 22–27 hit 5.6% at year's end, higher than the overall national rate. More alarming, over 40% of employed young graduates hold jobs that don't require degrees, the highest level since 2020.

Career fairs are emptier. Erin Torres, a Barnard graduate, has applied to nearly 200 jobs and landed just four interviews. She seems to think that’s a low number, which shows how much further she has to go towards the despair most of us face when we dip a toe into the job market these days. Then again, she went to Barnard, where in my experience entitlement comes with the degree certificate.

The search has become so dispiriting she's started (she went to Barnard, remember) therapy. "If I really cannot find anything, I am just going to go haywire," she told the New York Times. Although again, she went to Barnard. I mentioned that, right?

Say, where did my editor go to college? Syd? (Boston University, obviously far, far, far less entitled than my Barnard peers —Ed.)

Is AI to blame? Despite warnings that AI could eliminate half of entry-level white-collar jobs, economists point to simpler culprits: a "low hire, low fire" labor market where companies aren't expanding but aren't cutting either. Job openings have fallen below pre-pandemic levels while layoffs remain low, creating stasis that punishes new entrants.

"Those who need their first jobs are probably disproportionately affected," said Adam Ozimek of the Economic Innovation Group.

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👎️ 

Shudder. No.

Poll of the day: Tehran Taco Time…

Poll of the day: Fewer AI images, but not none

Hey Google, make an image of me as Picasso, having my creativity squashed by democracy…

We asked: “AI images on N2K?”

You answered:

⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Given that 1,825 AI images a year is the equivalent to 10 loads of washing in a standard washing machine, I can live with the energy use, particularly because they're so witty and give the Chedditor's creativity something to work with. (35)
🟨🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️ I don't think the AI-generated images illustrating stories are funny or engaging enough to use (and 10 loads of washing is a lot of electricity, actually). (192)
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Why can't we all just get along? Maybe do a little less of the AI than before but still use it when it feels right? (244)
⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ What's a "creative?" What's a "photographer"? What is "getting paid"? This is 2026, right? (35)
🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Meh, I don't really care too much either way. I'm only reading for the cheese puns! (61)
567 Votes via @beehiiv polls

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