Happy Friday, !

This week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ is, in somewhat timely news, about all the high-profile business, tech, and finance people who’ve shown up in the Epstein Files. Vote on the winner in today’s poll!

Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• Cops arrest King of England’s brother over Epstein

• How much sleep does a banker really need? The cour …

• America imported a record amount last year

• Targeting tweens: Zuckerberg testifies in court

• Tesla hopes adding Grok chatbot to cars will rever …

• Poll of the day: It’s World Famous-5-7-5™ time

• Poll: When is a prediction with money not a bet?

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

$SPX ( ▲ 0.59% ) $DJI ( ▲ 0.31% ) $NDX ( ▲ 0.86% )  

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

Centerview Partners, $META ( ▲ 1.8% ) , $TSLA ( ▼ 0.23% )  

Cops arrest King of England’s brother over Epstein

Prince Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor was arrested yesterday at his brother’s Sandringham residence in Norfolk, England, over his ties to the Jeffrey Epstein. This marks the first arrest of a senior royal since the English Civil War in (checks notes) 1642.

The arrest occurred on Mountbatten-Windsor’s 66th birthday and is linked to an ongoing investigation by Thames Valley Police into possible misconduct in public office and other potential offenses, including alleged trafficking of a young woman in 2010.

You know who didn’t get to see her 66th birthday? Virginia Giuffre, who alleged that Prince Andrew sexually assaulted and raped her on three occasions in the early 2000s when she was 17, trafficked by Jeffrey Epstein. The allegations included encounters in London and New York. Following a 2021 civil lawsuit, Andrew settled with Giuffre in 2022 for an undisclosed sum without admitting liability. Andrew is reported to have paid an estimated £12 million (approx. $16 million) to Ms. Giuffre. The funds were reportedly loaned to him by his mother, the late Queen Elizabeth II, with contributions from the estate of Prince Philip and now-King Charles III.

Ms. Giuffre killed herself last year in Western Australia with her family blaming the long-term impact of the abuse.

"What now follows is the full, fair, and proper process," King Charles said, pledging complete cooperation with authorities. "Let me state clearly: the law must take its course."

Mountbatten-Windsor has faced years of scrutiny for his ties to Epstein, amplified by newly released documents from the U.S. Department of Justice. The files reveal concerning interactions, including discussions of state-related matters with Epstein.

British Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer also weighed in, underscoring the principle of justice: "Nobody is above the law." That is, except his former Ambassador to the U.S., who was also on the list and is yet to face many consequences, of course.

How long until King Charles abdicates to make way for William and Catherine?

How much sleep does a banker really need? The court will decide

Next week, a U.S. federal court will address a question that strikes at the heart of Wall Street’s high-stakes culture: How essential are grueling, 24/7 work requirements for junior bankers?

The case revolves around Kathryn Shiber, a former junior analyst at Centerview Partners, an elite New York M&A advisory boutique. In 2020, Shiber was granted a nightly nine-hour “guardrail” for sleep to help manage her diagnosed mood and anxiety disorder. Less than three weeks later, the 21-year-old was fired.

“There is a genuine dispute [about] whether the ability to be available at all hours... is an essential function” of the role, U.S. District Court Judge Edgardo Ramos noted, allowing the lawsuit to proceed.

Centerview claims long, unpredictable hours are a critical industry norm, stating: “Junior bankers don’t need permission to go to sleep but are expected to work together and communicate properly with teammates.” Shiber, however, argues her termination “derailed her career,” and is seeking millions in damages.

I don’t know about you, but I love this.

“The working norms Wall Street enforces would preclude vast numbers of people,” said disability law expert Katherine Macfarlane, stressing the rarity of such cases reaching trial, in conversation with The Financial Times.

The case has reignited debates over work-life balance in finance, challenging whether sleeplessness should remain the price of ambition in such high-paying roles.

Quote of the Day

America imported a record amount last year

President Trump promised that steep tariffs would shrink imports and revive American manufacturing. However, according to newly released data, imports increased by 4.7% to $4.3 trillion last year. The overall trade deficit stood at $901 billion, a marginal reduction from 2024 (thanks to a slight rise in exports of 6.2% to $3.4 trillion), but the goods deficit — the focus of Trump’s policies — expanded instead of contracting.

Tariffs significantly reduced trade with China, where imports fell by nearly 30%, but the gap was filled by countries like Vietnam, India, and Mexico, raising questions about whether the administration merely “shuffled” trade around.

Tariffs also drove significant supply chain adjustments, with companies stockpiling goods and rerouting orders. However, U.S. manufacturers struggled, shedding over 80,000 jobs, and sectors like farming faced severe losses. U.S. soybean exports plummeted as China retaliated with boycotts, prompting $12 billion in federal aid to farmers.

“It’s a bit too early to tell what the lasting impacts of Trump’s trade policies are,” said Bernard Yaros of Oxford Economics, talking to the New York Times. The data suggests tariffs alone may not transform American manufacturing.

Song of the Day: Max Styler, ‘One More’

“I’m not ready to leave the rave, I came to move, and dance, and misbehave.” That’s a lyric from this ear-worm, which will convince you it’s the early 1990s and you’re at a dodgy warehouse somewhere trying a new illicit substance…if you’re into that. #NotFinancialAdvice

Free yourself from advertising forever!

Targeting tweens: Zuckerberg testifies in court

Meta $META ( ▲ 1.8% ) CEO Mark Zuckerberg found himself in the hot seat this week as he testified in a high-profile social media addiction trial in Los Angeles. The case, brought by a 20-year-old California woman identified as Kaley, accuses Meta of deliberately designing Instagram to hook children, leading to mental health struggles like body dysmorphia and depression.

Under questioning from Kaley’s lawyer, Mark Lanier, Zuckerberg acknowledged that enforcing Instagram’s age limit of 13 is “very difficult.” Lanier highlighted internal Meta documents showing that even 11-year-olds were returning to the platform multiple times and accused the company of actively targeting younger users. “If we wanna win big with teens, we must bring them in as tweens,” Lanier quoted from a 2018 Meta document.

Ruh-roh.

Kaley’s case points to features like beauty filters and infinite scroll as tools used to fuel addiction, arguing they act as a “digital casino.” While Zuckerberg claimed these features allow users to “express themselves the way they want,” critics argue they worsen body image issues, especially among young girls.

The trial, which involves 1,600 similar cases, could set a precedent for holding social media platforms legally accountable. As Zuckerberg testified, “If you build a community and people don’t feel safe, that’s not sustainable.” The jury will now decide how safe that community really is.

Tesla hopes adding Grok chatbot to cars will reverse European sales plunge

When facing a 27% sales decline in Europe, most automakers would focus on building affordable, innovative models to woo consumers back. Tesla $TSLA ( ▼ 0.23% ) , however, has had a different idea: Adding Grok, an AI chatbot infamous for antisemitic hate speech and deepfake scandals, to its vehicles in the U.K. and Europe.

As regulatory probes swirl around Grok, the ill-behaved bot has done everything from calling itself “MetaHitler” to praising the Holocaust and generating sexual images of children. Tesla, though, has charged ahead undeterred. Who needs safe and innovative vehicles when your car can generate offensive content on demand?

Mike Nelson, an automotive safety researcher, called Grok “another distraction layer” added to driving, because what could be safer than fiddling with an incendiary chatbot when navigating busy European roads? Rayid Ghani from Carnegie Mellon reinforced the sentiment that no one really understands the impact of chatbots on driving behavior, but why wait to figure it out?

This is bold, baffling, and — arguably, at this point — utterly on-brand. Don’t you think?

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👎️ 

Nope.

Poll of the day: It’s World Famous-5-7-5™ time

Poll: When is a prediction with money not a bet?

We asked: Are prediction markets gambling, and should states be able to regulate them?

You answered:

⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ I'll give you 3:4 odds on them being gambling, buddy. Which are bad odds. So: No. (24)
⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ No. If I make a contract with you predicting that the Los Angeles Lakers will win the NBA, and then they do, I'm just going long on the Los Angeles Lakers. (11)
⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Buddy, the Lakers ain't gonna win anything. I don't care if you want to bet on it or place a prediction, or whatever. (16)
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Yes. For lawmakers to pretend otherwise is insincere and corrupt. I just wonder how much lawmakers are making in kickbacks for this kind of blatant corrupt nonsense. (265)
🟨🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️ I've got a prediction for ya. Gambling problems are going to rise as a result of these prediction platforms. No matter how we describe the problems, that's what they'll be. (209)

525 Votes via @beehiiv polls

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