This week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ is about how Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway has a website from the 1990s and fans say don’t mess with it. Send me your entry — to haiku at cheddar dot com — by noon ET Thursday, for consideration by your Cheddar peers.

Now: News!

Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• GameStop wants to buy eBay for $56B

• Airlines slash flights over fuel shortage fears

• Why (almost) everyone loses on prediction markets

• Gen Z grads can get a job in Birmingham, Ala.

• Can restaurants really keep raising their prices?

• Poll of the day: Choose your own grad-venture

What’s the stock market up to, eh?*

$SPX ( ▼ 0.41% ) $DJI ( ▼ 1.13% ) $NDX ( ▲ 1.59% )  

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

 $GME ( ▼ 10.14% )  $TD ( ▼ 0.99% )  $AMZN ( ▲ 1.41% )  $DLAKY ( ▼ 0.12% )  $DAL ( ▼ 0.7% )  $IAG.L ( 0.0% )  $KALSHI ( 0.0% )  $POLYMARKET ( 0.0% )  $ADP ( ▼ 1.35% )  $META ( ▲ 0.27% )  $ORCL ( ▲ 4.92% )  $JPM ( ▼ 1.54% )  $SBUX ( ▼ 0.88% )  $COST ( ▲ 0.11% )  

GameStop wants to buy eBay for $56B

In today's episode of "What timeline are we even in?", GameStop $GME ( ▼ 10.14% ) — the 2021 meme-stock darling currently valued at a quaint $12 billion — has decided it wants to swallow eBay, a $46 billion company. CEO Ryan Cohen casually dropped a $56 billion unsolicited offer over the weekend, tossing in a 20% premium on the larger company’s stock price, just to be cheeky.

How does a company with only $9 billion in the bank afford a $56 billion acquisition, you ask? Easy! Just grab a $20 billion debt IOU from TD Bank $TD ( ▼ 0.99% ) and maybe tap some Middle Eastern sovereign-wealth funds for the rest. That’s math.

Cohen’s master plan is to turn this Franken-company into a "legit competitor" to Amazon $AMZN ( ▲ 1.41% ) , a company worth (checks notes) $2.6 trillion. His undeniable business synergy? Both companies sell trading cards and collectibles. Watch out, Jeff Bezos — the place where we used to trade in 40 used Xbox games for $4 in store credit is taking over the Internet's digital garage sale, and it plans to authenticate your vintage items right there in the local strip mall.

If this fever dream actually works, Cohen could personally pocket $35 billion in stock. A smaller brick-and-mortar store buying an e-commerce giant with phantom money?

It's late capitalism!

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Quote of the Day

Airlines slash flights over fuel shortage fears

If you're planning an international getaway this May, you might want to double-check your itinerary. Global travel is facing severe turbulence as airlines have slashed 2 million seats and 12,000 flights from their upcoming schedules.

Since the Iran war, let’s say...kicked off…in late February, jet fuel prices have doubled, and the threat of supply disruptions near the Strait of Hormuz has thrown the industry into chaos. Gulf carriers like Emirates and Etihad are hastily redrawing their schedules, while heavy hitters like Lufthansa $DLAKY ( ▼ 0.12% ) , Delta Air Lines $DAL ( ▼ 0.7% ) and British Airways $IAG.L ( 0.0% ) are cutting capacity to mitigate unprofitable routes and save fuel.

Industry experts are stunned by the unprecedented severity of the crisis. "Jet fuel pricing has always been intermittent, but I don’t think in my time there has ever been the question of shortages," aviation analyst John Strickland told the Financial Times. The risk of stranding aircraft is simply too high. As Strickland noted, "No European airline is going to send a plane off to Asia to mop up demand from the Gulf, and find it’s stuck there without fuel to go back.”

The ripple effects across the globe are undeniable. Air France-KLM Chief Executive Ben Smith told the FT, "The disruption of these flows has created significant imbalances in global travel supply and demand." With airlines actively scrambling to swap out massive jets for smaller, more fuel-efficient aircraft just to survive the pinch, the upcoming travel season is shaping up to be a bumpy ride.

Why (almost) everyone loses on prediction markets

Prediction markets like Kalshi $KALSHI ( 0.0% ) and Polymarket $POLYMARKET ( 0.0% ) are booming, promising users the chance to monetize their knowledge. One enthusiastic Kalshi ad featured a user claiming, “I was about to be unable to pay my rent, but I got two years of rent through Kalshi’s predictions.” But the reality for most casual bettors is far bleaker. On Polymarket, a staggering 67% of profits go to just 0.1% of accounts, the Wall Street Journal reports.

Why the massive disparity? Regular users are going up against sophisticated, algorithmic trading firms armed with vast streams of expensive data. Michael Boss, a former professional poker player who places 60 trades a minute, notes that casual users “…have no chance. Systematically.” He adds that sports gambling predictions are particularly lucrative for the websites because, "Sports has the attention of all the sick young men, I guess.”

The prediction market ecosystem effectively relies on less-informed participants. As Jeff Yass, co-founder of trading firm Susquehanna International Group, succinctly put it: “All of sports betting, all of playing poker, all of options trading, is making sure you’re betting against someone you’re smarter than.” 

And sadly, casual traders looking for a quick buck are almost never the smartest ones in the room.

Song of the Day: MPH, ‘Unconditional’

This song by UK-based producer CJ Higham is receiving high praise as a game changer cementing MPH’s position at the forefront of the global UK Garage revival. It reminds me of “dancing” in Croydon’s Blue Orchid, 30 years ago. Splendid!

Gen Z grads can get a job in Birmingham, Ala.

So, you just graduated and you're ready to conquer New York or LA? Too bad. Your best bet is packing up and moving to the undeniable epicenter of youthful glamour: Birmingham, Alabama. The city is currently the number-one hotspot for entry-level jobs, reports the Wall Street Journal.

Who needs a walkable, vibrant metropolis when you could be earning a whopping median wage of $59,004 in the flourishing advanced-materials and bioscience industries? As Nela Richardson, ADP’s $ADP ( ▼ 1.35% ) chief economist, observed, “If you can get that right mix of hiring, pay, and affordability, it’s a really attractive launch point for a young person.” Translation: You have zero dollars, so go where it's cheap.

If Alabama isn't your vibe, try Tampa, Florida, which just shot up to second place on the hiring list. What better place to kickstart a career than ground zero for retirement communities? Rent is finally easing by 4% — which is a massive relief considering it surged an ungodly 38% between 2020 and 2023. Recent grad Hazel McQueen is happily moving there to work at J.P. Morgan $JPM ( ▼ 1.54% ) , noting, “We’re seeing a huge migration of wealth, moving from the Northeast... I just felt that was a great opportunity for me to get my foot in the door.”

And that foot in the door means managing the finances of migrating retirees.

If you hate having disposable income entirely, and you studied computing, then there's always San Jose. Sure, Meta $META ( ▲ 0.27% ) and Oracle $ORCL ( ▲ 4.92% ) have been handing out layoffs there, left and right, but AI is supposedly saving the local job market. Graduates can make an impressive average of $200,000 there, which might almost cover rent for a windowless closet in Silicon Valley. Alternatively, head to Columbus, Ohio, where you can help build military drones for Anduril Industries, or work for JPMorgan Chase, whose spokeswoman considers the city “an important source of entry-level talent.”

Ah, the glamorous post-grad life.

Can restaurants really keep raising their prices?

Welcome to the 2026 dining experience, where your burrito costs more than a modest used car. According to analyst R.J. Hottovy with Placer.ai, the restaurant industry is in a "winners and losers" era. The losers? Mostly our bank accounts. While restaurants keep testing their "pricing power," middle-income humans are staging a quiet mutiny, fleeing toward the glamorous aisles of Aldi and Trader Joe’s for "value grocery" thrills.

Hottovy notes that restaurant brands are no longer just fighting each other; they’re competing with the entire food ecosystem. If you’ve swapped your $15 fast-casual bowl for a warehouse club hot dog, you’re part of the trend. Consumers are pushing back against years of price hikes, forcing chains to actually, gasp, innovate to keep us interested.

So, who’s actually "winning"? Starbucks $SBUX ( ▼ 0.88% ) is crushing it by investing in labor so you can actually get your caffeine before your shift ends. Meanwhile, Taco Bell has hit the "sweet spot" by anchoring their menu with a $3 value tier. It turns out the secret to success isn't just charging more; it’s giving people a reason to visit that doesn’t feel like a financial shakedown. In short: Give us a deal, or we’ll settle for a Costco $COST ( ▲ 0.11% ) rotisserie chicken.

Free yourself from advertising forever!

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👎️ 

No

Poll of the day: Choose your own grad-venture

Poll of the day: Keep Buffett’s ‘90s site!

We asked: Should Berkshire Hathaway update its 1990s website?

You answered:

🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Absolutely not! If new CEO Greg Abel even thinks about adding a single graphic or photo, I will immediately sell all my (many, many) shares! (34)
🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Yes, please, for the love of all things holy, give us a mobile version! (22)
🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ No. Having a website this utterly basic is exactly like a billionaire wearing flip-flops for streetwear. (81)
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Preserve the museum piece! Keep your auto-playing videos and glossy executive portraits; I just want the pure, unadulterated speed of a website that hasn't been weighed down by a single aesthetic update since 1996. (140)
🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨⬜️ Leave it alone! The fact that the first letters of "Berkshire" and "Hathaway" are in 32-point font while the rest are in 18-point is a baffling, chaotic design choice that simply cannot be replicated by modern technology. (121)
398 Votes via @beehiiv polls

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