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Happy New Year, N2K reader!

Vote on this week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ in today’s poll. But first…

—Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• Global markets post a third straight year of doubl …

• Thieves drill into German bank vault, make off wit …

• OpenAI pays more than any tech startup ever

• AI and robotics are transforming theme parks

• Why Disney needs another two ‘Avatar’ sequels

• Poll of the day: You want to email me, and yet…

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

$SPX ( ▲ 0.69% ) $DJI ( ▲ 0.47% ) $NDX ( ▲ 0.9% )

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

$BCS ( ▲ 1.51% )  $SHNWF ( ▲ 38.78% )  $STT ( ▲ 0.06% ) OpenAI $META ( ▲ 1.69% )  $DIS ( ▼ 0.4% )  

Global markets post a third straight year of double-digit gains

Global stock markets ended 2025 on a high, defying initial fears fueled by Donald Trump’s trade war and concerns of an AI-driven bubble. Marking their third consecutive year of double-digit growth, indices like Wall Street’s S&P 500 $SPX ( ▲ 0.69% ) surged 17%, outperforming many expectations.

“This was an extremely strong year, stronger than we expected,” said Venu Krishna, head of U.S. equities strategy at Barclays $BCS ( ▲ 1.51% ) , talking to the Financial Times. Despite a tumultuous start — complete with a market shake-up from Chinese AI start-up DeepSeek and Donald Trump’s sweeping “liberation day” tariffs in April — a resilient U.S. economy and robust corporate earnings helped steer markets back on course. The prospect of Federal Reserve interest rate cuts also played a role in reinvigorating investor confidence.

However, 2025’s market rally did not come without warning signs. Simon Adler, head of value equities at Schroders $SHNWF ( ▲ 38.78% ) , expressed concerns about “complacency,” citing precarious valuations and the market’s dependence on Silicon Valley’s tech giants. “We are now entering 2026 with areas of the market looking very, very fully valued,” he said.

As the so-called “Magnificent Seven” tech firms dominate, accounting for almost a quarter of the MSCI World Index, risks of fragility increase. “It’s like Jenga,” noted Altaf “I Prefer Monopoly” Kassam of State Street $STT ( ▲ 0.06% ) , cautioning that any disruption in key AI-related companies could destabilize markets.

Song of the Day: Sabrina Carpenter, ‘Such a Funny Way’

"Such a Funny Way" is a bonus track from Sabrina Carpenter’s sixth studio album, “Man’s Best Friend,” released this summer. Originally a vinyl exclusive, the song was released digitally in September and added to streaming platforms as a surprise "Christmas gift" for fans on December 25, 2025. Some describe it as “quietly devastating.” Others say it’s devastatingly quiet. You choose.

Thieves drill into German bank vault, make off with millions

Oh, the holidays — they’re a time for family, reflection, and, apparently, robbing banks with precision and flair. In a heist straight out of a Hollywood blockbuster, a group of thieves used the quiet Christmas period to drill through the concrete walls of a Sparkasse bank in Gelsenkirchen, Germany, walking away with at least €10 million in cash and treasures from thousands of safe deposit boxes.

So, is "stealing Christmas" the new holiday trend? Asking for a friend.

Police discovered the breach thanks to a fire alarm (oops—guess we they forgot to turn that off). Witnesses reported seeing masked men carrying 💰💰💰 out of a parking garage next door and speeding off in a stolen black Audi RS6. One customer waiting outside the bank for more information told Reuters, “I couldn’t sleep last night, we’re getting no information” while another was left fretting over the cash and jewelry he’d entrusted to his now-compromised deposit box.

For the record, I definitely spent my Christmas bingeing Netflix $NFLX ( ▲ 2.17% ) , well, okay, Amazon Prime Video, and not in Germany robbing a bank with mad charisma. Then again that’s exactly what I’d say if I’d done it, isn’t it? And then I’d make a joke about it. And then I’d make a self-referential joke about the joke. JUST TO THROW YOU OFF.

Tell ‘em, Val…

Quote of the Day Year

OpenAI pays more than any tech startup ever

OpenAI is rewriting the playbook on employee compensation, paying its staff a jaw-dropping average of $1.5 million per employee in stock compensation, across its 4,000-strong workforce, according to data shared with investors. That’s 15% of what those thieves stole in Germany, each!

The figure is seven times higher than Google’s stock pay when it went public in 2004 and 34 times the average among other major tech companies in their pre-IPO days, per a Wall Street Journal analysis.

The rationale behind this thick paycheck? Retaining top AI talent amid fierce competition. Meta’s $META ( ▲ 1.69% ) CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, reportedly fueled pressure this summer by offering astronomical pay packages — some nearing $1 billion — to lure researchers and executives, even poaching over 20 OpenAI staffers, including ChatGPT co-creator Shengjia Zhao. In response, OpenAI upped the ante with bonuses worth millions for key personnel.

This talent-first strategy, however, comes at a cost. By 2025, stock compensation is projected to eat up 46% of OpenAI’s revenue — the highest for a pre-IPO company in recent tech history. It’s inflating operating losses and diluting shareholders. Yet, for OpenAI, it’s a price worth paying, for the time being.

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👎

Come back next year!

AI and robotics are transforming theme parks

The theme park industry is entering an exciting "exploration phase," where AI, advanced animatronics, and real-time computing are beginning to redefine the guest experience, according to Christian Rogers at Purdue Polytechnic in Indianapolis, which I gather is the Yale of animatronics.

Moving beyond old-school animatronics, parks are introducing "very real opportunities to interact with some of those animatronics,” he said, like Epic Universe, where guests can "walk up to Toothsome and pet Toothsome," an animatronic dragon:

Rogers also notes that new animatronics are no longer tied to specific rides but are more "prevalent" throughout the parks.

The development process is rigorous, involving "rigorous testing digitally before it even... gets tested physically.” And safety is paramount, as the parks "have to test for every single situation" to prevent inappropriate actions or damage from guests. Still I have to say I think I could probably still jailbreak one of these bots.

Rogers emphasizes that parks are "already collecting data on the guest" via bands, phones, and watches, but guests "want that because they want that personalization." While there are privacy implications, he believes the data is often kept in an "enclosed data farm," from which no information ever escapes thanks to a hole in the fence. But whatever, Karen. You went to DisneyWorld $DIS ( ▼ 0.4% ) . You surrendered all rights in perpetuity.

Hey, speaking of Disney…

Why Disney needs another two ‘Avatar’ sequels

Lols. This is the latest in another of a weekly guest columns on the ‘business of movies’ by Grant Keller, although I’ll cut to the chase now, if you’d rather not click through to read all the sordid details….

Happy New Year again, my friends! I appreciate you reading! — MD

Poll of the day: Pick a winning haiku™…

…about how your AI companion is not your friend:

Poll of the day: You want to email me, and yet…

We asked: What do you want to see more of in N2K in 2026?

You answered:

🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Hyper-local squirrel drama: Who’s hoarding the most acorns on 39th St? (48)

🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Aggressively niche fan fiction. About hockey players. (21) 🟨

⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ The "Oops! All Typos" edition: I write it with my eyes closed while eating. (29)

🟨🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️ Predicting the 2027 apocalypse: Get a head start on your bunker decor. (76)

🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ The ransom note aesthetic: Every letter is a different font, size, and color to keep you on your toes. (18)

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Seriously, shoot me an email at Matt dot Davis at cheddar dot com and tell me if there's a real thing you want to actually see more of. I read my emails! I appreciate you. Happy New Year. (91) 

What’s particularly weird about this is I didn’t get a single email from anyone saying what they wanted more of in 2026, apart from one reader who told me how much he loves the haikus. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Happy New Year!

283 Votes via @beehiiv polls

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