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And now, news!

Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor

Table of Contents

• Heart Association: Drink Five Cups of Coffee a Day

• What ‘The Odyssey’'s Big Run Means for Hollywood

• Mice in Ur Ketchup? Kraft and Disney Will Collab

• Today's Poop-Lettuce News Is Still Not Good

• Get Yourself Some Adult Play-Doh, Kid!

• Poll of the Day: Play-Doh for Adults?

What’s the Stock Market Up To, Eh?

$SPX ( ▲ 0.89% )  $DJI ( ▲ 0.74% )  $NDX ( ▲ 1.59% )  

Companies Mentioned in Today’s Newsletter

$KHC ( ▼ 0.27% )  $DIS ( ▼ 0.28% )  $HAS ( ▲ 8.81% )  

Heart Association: Drink Five Cups of Coffee a Day

Put down that green juice and step away from the celery water! The American Heart Association has officially given us permission, nay, some might describe it as a “medical mandate,” to mainline caffeine. That’s right, downing up to five glorious 8-ounce cups of coffee a day is perfectly safe for most adults and might actually protect your ticker, the AHA has said.

For years, "experts" warned us that coffee would rot our insides or send us into cardiac arrest. I, for example, went to the emergency room with atrial fibrilation after drinking an average of 10 cups of the stuff in the years after my son was born. But science has finally caught up to our coping mechanisms. Drinking three to five cups of joe daily is actually linked to a lower risk of heart disease, stroke, heart failure, and Type 2 diabetes. 

For most people. Indeed, it is basically like drinking liquid immortality.

Even the medical community is dizzy from the news. Dr. Eugenia Gianos, a cardiologist at Northwell Health, which is where my cardiologist also practices, funnily enough, told the Wall Street Journal, "Not only is the lay public confused about this topic, but many clinicians out there don’t know how to guide their patients." Thankfully, she's ready to jump on the bandwagon: "We could even be recommending soon that people have coffee." Yes, doctor! Prescribe me a double espresso!

How does this magical bean water save us? Scientists are still trying to figure out the exact biological witchcraft. It apparently gets us to exercise more, lowers blood pressure as a diuretic, and blocks strokes. Dr. Gregory M. Marcus, the lead author of the statement, suggests a sweet spot of two to four cups: "May just be it's not so much that you get to toxic levels, but it's enough to have a biologic effect." And if you're vibrating at a frequency that allows you to walk through walls? "We all metabolize caffeine at different speeds," Marcus reassures us.

Quote of the Day

What ‘The Odyssey’'s Big Run Means for Hollywood

Can movie theaters and your couch actually get along, or are they locked in an entertainment death match? According to box office guru Paul Dergerabedian, head of marketplace trends at Rentrack, there’s plenty of room for both.

Let’s talk about Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey yet again, for example. Paul is so obsessed he has already seen it twice. He braved an 11 p.m. Sunday crowd at the Chinese Theater in Manhattan and was blown away: “The line for concessions, you would have thought it was a Saturday night with a big Marvel movie opening in the middle of the summer. It was incredible,” he said.

With an eye-popping $264 million global opening estimate, this wide-screen, CGI-free, AI-free epic is proving audiences will still leave their living rooms. As Paul explains, Nolan’s masterpiece “instills in people that idea that going to the movie theater is differentiated from every other type of entertainment. That big screen experience, there's nothing like it. Even leaving the theater at 2 a.m. was a win: “I'm sure a lot of people had to work today, like me, and it was fully worth it,” he said.

But does this box office triumph spell doom for Netflix $NFLX ( ▲ 1.58% ) and chums? Hardly. While we crave premium theater screens, we're still deeply addicted to our home setups. For Netflix, Paul notes, "it's all about getting subscribers and keeping them. Eliminating churn, having great original shows, but also those library titles," like Seinfeld. In fact, streaming has woven itself so tightly into our lives that he calls it "almost like a utility," admitting, "there's no way that I can live without it.”

So yes, Hollywood can have its massive 70mm cake and stream it, too. Now, in the words of Paul, "Go see the Odyssey as soon as possible!"

Mice in Ur Ketchup? Kraft and Disney Will Collab

Mickey Mouse, meet Kraft Mac & Cheese. In a bid to breathe new life into its decades-old brands and revive declining sales, Kraft Heinz $KHC ( ▼ 0.27% ) has signed a multiyear strategic partnership with Disney $DIS ( ▼ 0.28% ) .

Under the new agreement, Disney will exclusively serve Kraft Heinz condiments, macaroni and cheese, and cream cheese at its North American resorts, parks, and cruise lines. In return, Kraft Heinz gets to plaster Disney characters across 10 of its retail brands. Get ready for Cinderella-shaped macaroni and Jet-Puffed marshmallows featuring Olaf, Frozen’s snowman.

That’s premium nutrition, folks! (Surely that’s Warner Bros. — Ed)

Nicolas Amaya, the new head of Kraft Heinz's North American business, is absolutely thrilled about this push into "experiential commerce." “That’s what marketing is about today,” Amaya declared in an interview with the Wall Street Journal that sounds like it took place after he’d had at least five cups of coffee. “It’s about creating experiences that are memorable.”

What does that mean in practice? He is already envisioning Disneyland condiment stations with ketchup dispensers shaped like Star Wars lightsabers. Cripes.

This deal is funded by Kraft Heinz's massive $600 million recovery budget, championed by their new CEO, Steve Cahillane, who claimed he could fix Kraft Heinz’s problems when he took the job. As Amaya points out, "Many food trends these days originate in restaurants and entertainment venues," and "a lot of the things that happen here actually translate to retail."

Magical.

Song of the Day: Masego, ‘Heaven’

"Heaven" is widely considered by critics and fans to be one of the most creative and standout focus tracks from Masego's third studio album, Fix Your Face. The song bridges the gap between his nostalgic upbringing as a pastor’s kid in Virginia and his signature smooth, seductive R&B styling. Enjoy!

Today's Poop-Lettuce News Is Still Not Good

Great news for anyone who loves playing Russian roulette with their digestive tract: The FDA has officially walked back its claim that a lettuce sample from Taylor Farms tested positive for the Cyclospora parasite. It was a “false positive,” they now say.

But don't go diving back into your Taco Bell burrito bowls just yet. While scientists realized their apparent lab mistake, the actual parasite is almost certainly still out there. The FDA was quick to hop on X to say, “To clarify, this false-positive lab sample DOES NOT change the basis for FDA’s ongoing outbreak investigation or the overwhelming epidemiological data supporting the current voluntary recall by Taylor Farms.” Translation: Our labs might have messed up, but you’re going to suddenly trust the federal government on food safety, now?

It’s all rather confusing. Taylor Farms, which supplies lettuce to major restaurant chains and grocery stores, is navigating the fallout. They voluntarily recalled their Mexican-grown iceberg lettuce, stating, “Our thoughts remain with everyone who has fallen ill in this outbreak. We are committed to working with public health authorities as the ongoing outbreak investigation continues.” 

Although you’ll notice that their statement didn’t include the words “it’s all our fault.”

Meanwhile, visits to Taco Bell locations plummeted up to 18.9% last week. Detecting this microscopic menace remains a nightmare because cyclospora cannot be grown in a lab. Jennifer McEntire, a food-safety professional, explained the struggle: “You’re looking for a needle in a haystack. With E. coli and salmonella if you find it you can make the needle bigger. That doesn’t happen for cyclospora.”

Bon appétit!

Get Yourself Some Adult Play-Doh, Kid!

Are you a stressed-out, screen-weary adult? Excellent news. Hasbro $HAS ( ▲ 8.81% ) , the benevolent corporate guardians of Peppa Pig and Nerf, has diagnosed your existential dread and prescribed the ultimate cure: Adult Play-Doh.

Meet Blooms by Play-Doh, a chic new line of modeling compound kits designed to help you sculpt fake floral bouquets for display. It’s designed specifically for screen-weary adults who turn to arts and crafts during periods of stress. Hasbro’s chief marketing officer, Jason Bunge, insists this isn't a gimmick: “We’re not manufacturing a new need state,” he promised the Wall Street Journal. But saying, I suspect unwittingly, exactly what the brand may in fact be going.

To be fair, this isn't Hasbro's first time trying to infiltrate the adult market. Back in 2020, they released "Grown-Up Scents" Play-Doh smelling like “overpriced latte” and “mom jeans,” followed by a '90s edition featuring “VHS rental ‘n chill.” Shockingly, the concept didn’t, er…stick.

Bunge candidly admitted, “We had not done a good job at aging with our fan base.” Turns out, adults generally have an entrenched perception that Play-Doh is just for kids. Meanwhile, rival brand Lego has successfully convinced customers they can keep playing well into adulthood, partly by creating sophisticated sets designed to be displayed.

Determined to bridge the gap, Bunge warned his marketing team, “If we market this as a traditional Play-Doh toy, we will fail.” So instead, they are throwing a crafting party at the Whitney Museum of American Art to stoke media buzz. I wonder what that’s costing them, though, seriously. Makes me want to squeeze something soft and pliable just to calm down.

Free Yourself From Advertising Forever!

Should You Check Your 401(k) Today?

👎️ 

Still no, I’m afraid. A big fat no. Nope.

Poll of the Day: Play-Doh for Adults?

Poll Result of the Day: Eeeenteresting

We asked: “Who's Gonna Win the 2028 Election, Do You Think?”

You answered:

🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ JD Vance (37)
🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Marco Rubio (58)
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Gavin Newsom (132)
🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Jon Ossoff (60)
⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (18)
🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Kamala Harris (22)
🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Josh Shapiro (36)
🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Pete Buttigieg (76)
⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Ron DeSantis (8)
🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson (66)
513 votes via @beehiiv polls

Meawhile, I’m sure Ron DeSantis will be thrilled to hear that he is almost nine times less popular than The Rock!

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