Greetings N2K reader!

The theme of this week’s world famous News Haiku™ competition is that ChatGPT will allow “erotic” content soon, which might help OpenAI become profitable. I’ve already had some 👨‍🍳😘 entries and it’s only Tuesday. Still, email me yours by Thursday at noon ET for a chance to be voted on by your Cheddar peers. THANK YOU.

Last week’s winner, Elise, also got back to me with some words of encouragement for her Ch’peers:

The wit. The cadence. [Swoons]

Now let’s talk about today’s news you Need2Know, shall we?

—Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• How to sound relatively smart about the Louvre hei …

• Millions march in the ‘No Kings’ protests

• Government will cancel some student loans after al …

• Trump cuts off Colombia aid after prez calls him a …

• Poll shows economic anxiety on the rise

• Poll of the day: Ai, Ai, Ai…

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

$SPX ( ▲ 1.1% ) $DJI ( ▲ 1.12% ) $NDX ( ▲ 1.44% )

How to sound relatively smart about the Louvre heist

This is part of a new feature where I take a current news story and do what you really want us to do with it: HELP MAKE YOU SOUND SMART(ISH). Welcome.

So, you want to impress your friends/coworkers with your "in-depth" “knowledge” of the Louvre heist? Fear not, future art-crime scholar — here’s how to pretend you know all about the world’s fanciest smash-and-grab.

First, start by confidently suggesting that stealing from the Louvre is less “Ocean’s Eleven” and more "gold for cash pawn shop” vibes. Explain that this wasn’t some “Thomas Crown”–esque plot to steal priceless artwork, but good old-fashioned “commodity theft.” You might digress and explain that the Pierce Brosnan/Renee Russo version is better than the original, and, oddly, directed by the same man who did both “Die Hard” and “Predator.” (John McTiernan, obviously.)

I can recite at least two of those movies by heart, incidentally, if you ever fancy a test. (But which two?!?)

The Louvre heist, meanwhile, was like robbing the candy aisle at a convenience store, but with mounds of diamonds and gold bars instead of mounds of, uh, Mounds and $100,000 bars. You might like to express some chagrin that the glamour of art theft has been co-opted by capitalism. Le sigh. What happened to Pierce and Renee?

Thieves nowadays skip the Monets and head straight for jewels they can break apart and sell. Because who needs provenance (pronounced with a French accent) when you can have proper cash? It’s gauche, man. Real gauche.

Next, casually drop the fact that thieves targeted the tiara of Queen Hortense (wife of Napoleon Bonaparte), packed with 24 Ceylon sapphires and 1,083 diamonds. Yes, flex your knowledge of 19th-century aristocratic headwear. Bonus points if you mention that the tiara is probably destined to be butchered and melted down faster than a Kia Sportage.

Then, hit them with the drama: The robbers abandoned an attempt to steal Empress Eugénie’s crown — Napoleon III’s wife’s bling — when guards showed up. “Not all heroes wear capes,” you can say, about the Louvre’s security.

Finally, toss around “Antwerp” like you know geography. It’s the global diamond hub, where stolen gems often get recut or sold. Conclude with, “Honestly, this is why museums should just brick up all their windows!” — a practical solution that art experts totally don’t endorse. You win. You’re reasonably smart-ish. You’re welcome.

Song of the day: Tame Impala, ‘End of Summer’

Kevin Parker, a.k.a. Tame Impala, has changed “modern psychedelia" with his blend of rock, pop, and electronic music. Enjoy this track from his latest album.

Millions march in the ‘No Kings’ protests

“No Kings” rallies swept across the country on the weekend, drawing enormous crowds — estimated at 7 million people — in both major cities like New York and smaller towns like Richmond, Kentucky. Organized by progressive groups such as Indivisible and MoveOn, approximately 2,600 demonstrations took place nationwide and even inspired protests abroad in cities like Berlin, Paris, and Mexico's San Miguel de Allende.

The protests were a direct response to President Trump’s attempts to consolidate power, with critics accusing him of governing like a monarch. Protesters voiced their discontent over immigration raids, the deployment of federal troops, the reversal of treaties with Native tribes, and the so-called One Big Beautiful Bill, among other grievances. Issues like the erosion of voting rights and the disbanding of D.E.I. programs further fueled frustrations.

Despite heavy rain in some areas, the nation’s streets were filled with colorful costumes, signs declaring “No Kings,” families, veterans, and workers. New York City saw over 100,000 marchers across all five boroughs, with Times Square hosting one of the largest gatherings. In Chicago, the demonstration stretched across 22 blocks, while Portland’s protests were also enormous.

“You feel like your voice isn’t that loud,” Michael Flanagan, 46, a medical administrator who attended a rally in Memphis, told the New York Times, where the National Guard was recently deployed. “But I’ve never seen this level of enthusiasm.”

Today on the ‘gram: Nice pics of the jewels…

Post of the day: We’re all in the same boat

Quote of the Day

Government will cancel some student loans after all

The Trump administration has aeed to cancel student loan debt for millions of Americans as part of a legal settlement with the American Federation of Teachers. The new agreement marks, let’s say, a significant reversal of previous policies, which had paused or restricted debt relief under federal income-driven repayment plans. Around 2 to 2.5 million borrowers, many of whom have spent decades making payments, are set to benefit from this decision.

AFT president Randi Weingarten celebrated the victory, saying, “For nearly a decade, the AFT has fought for the rights of student loan borrowers to be freed from the shackles of unjust debt—and today, a huge part of that affordability fight was vindicated.” She added, “Borrowers stuck in limbo can either get immediate relief or finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. And, crucially, they won’t ever get taxed on that relief.”

Winston Berkman-Breen, legal director of Protect Borrowers, echoed the sentiment: “This is a tremendous win for borrowers… The U.S. Department of Education has agreed to follow the law and deliver congressionally mandated affordable payments and debt relief to hard-working public service workers.”

Affected borrowers can expect loan discharges to begin processing by October 21.

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👍️ 

Yes. Definitely.

Trump cuts off Colombia aid after prez calls him a ‘murderer’

In a fiery statement on Truth Social, President Trump announced that his administration is cutting off all subsidies to Colombia, accusing President Gustavo Petro of being an “illegal drug leader” and failing to curb drug production in the region. Trump alleged that Petro is “strongly encouraging the massive production of drugs, in big and small fields, all over Colombia,” and criticized U.S. financial aid to the country as “a long-term rip-off of America.”

The U.S. sent over $207 million in foreign aid to Colombia this year, but Trump warned Petro that if he doesn’t address alleged drug operations, “the United States will close them up for him, and it won’t be done nicely.” These comments further escalate tensions between the two governments following Petro’s accusation that a recent U.S. attack on a vessel in the Caribbean amounted to "murder" and infringed upon Colombian sovereignty.

“The Colombian boat was adrift and had its distress signal up due to an engine failure,” Petro argued, claiming the vessel was for fishing, not drug trafficking. Meanwhile, Trump defended military strikes against alleged drug boats as part of his campaign promise to curb the flow of illicit drugs into the U.S., a mission he described as combating “death, destruction, and havoc.”

Poll shows economic anxiety on the rise

Economic uncertainty is weighing heavily on Americans as job confidence wanes, according to a recent AP-NORC poll. The report highlights a growing unease among U.S. citizens about their ability to secure good jobs amidst rising inflation, hiring freezes, and elevated costs of living. About 47% of respondents said they are “not very” or “not at all confident” in their ability to find good employment, a notable increase from 37% in October 2023.

The financial strain is widespread. Over half of Americans cited grocery costs as a “major” stressor, while housing and health care expenses burden 4 in 10 respondents. Electricity costs are also emerging as a key issue for many households, with 36% identifying utility bills as a significant concern. Kevin Halsey, a telecommunications worker in Illinois, lamented the rise in his electricity bills despite investing in solar panels. “I’ve got to be pessimistic,” he said. “I don’t see this as getting better.”

The sentiment reflects skepticism about the president’s handling of the economy, with only 36% of adults approving his performance in this area. Unique “Named After My Mother” Hopkins, a working parent from Youngstown, Ohio, voiced frustration, saying, “It’s his way or no way … Nobody is going to unite with Trump if it’s all about you, you, you.”

Let’s see how your vibes line up with the poll’s in today’s poll of the day.

Poll of the day: How confident are you in your employment prospects?

Poll of the day: Ai, Ai, Ai…

We asked: How do you feel about ChatGPT's foray into erotica?

You answered:

⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ I liked Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer. I'm sure it'll be just as tasteful, highbrow, and groundbreaking, if misunderstood in the early days. (20)

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 I don't think we're going to see any great works of literature here and it'll just deepen human loneliness. What a sad end to the great aspirations of the AI industry. So much for helping humanity, huh? (363 votes) 

383 Votes via @beehiiv polls

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