Hello, N2K’ers!

I saw ChatGPT is advertising for a “content strategist” (these used to be called “writers,” I believe) for $300K+ a year. They want someone to “Create, write, and edit high-quality content—from landing pages to guides to campaigns—that drives traffic and adoption.”

If you work there, I’m sure you’ll be able to put in a good word for my reasonably high-quality wit and panache. Oddly, neither wit nor panache is a required qualification, and the job posting was probably written by a robot, but I’m not going to bother getting a robot to apply for it on my behalf. The proverbial mountain can come to Mohammed. Although one has to wonder: If their product is so wonderful, why would they hire a human for the job?

Speaking of wonderful writing, the subject of this week’s News Haiku^TM competition is OpenAI boss Sam Altman saying we “might” be “in” an “AI Bubble.” Send me your entry by today at noon ET for the chance to win a gif, and of course, capture the glory.

Now, let’s talk about the news you Need2Know?

—Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• “I want to apologize to society,” says shamed whis …

• Google wins appeal over Chrome selloff

• Amazon’s gonna stop you sharing free shipping

• Trump to ask SCOTUS for quick tariff hearing

• Powerball jackpot soars to $1.3 billion

• Poll of the day: For shame…

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

$SPX ( ▲ 0.51% ) $DJI ( ▼ 0.05% ) $NDX ( ▲ 1.02% )

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

$STBFY ( ▲ 0.19% )  $GOOGL ( ▲ 9.14% )  $AMZN ( ▲ 0.29% )  $NFLX ( ▲ 0.99% )  

“I want to apologize to society,” says shamed whiskey boss

Japan is different from America, you might have heard. Evidence of this can be seen in several areas, such as, for example, Takeshi Niinami, the now former CEO and chairman of Suntory $STBFY ( ▲ 0.19% ) , who stepped down following allegations he possessed a prohibited substance reportedly contained in a jet lag supplement.

“I want to apologize to society,” Niinami, 66, said after bowing deeply.

Japan has a culture of shame and group accountability and it is common for people who cause embarrassment to give up their posts. America, meanwhile? Not so much.

Niinami, a high-profile figure known for his role in Suntory’s global expansion, has maintained his innocence throughout the ordeal, claiming a misunderstanding about the product’s legality.

“I have not broken the law. I believe I am innocent,” Niinami said during a press briefing, emphasizing that he was unaware the CBD supplements — purchased in the United States — violated Japan’s stringent drug laws. He also said that the supplements were recommended by a trusted friend in (where else?) New York, with the intention of addressing jet lag caused by frequent international travel.

Still, he resigned in shame. Let us know what you think in today’s poll below!

Song of the day: TTSSFU, ‘Call You Back’

Tasmin Stephens has been releasing intriguing, dreamy earworms under the moniker TTSSFU since 2021. “‘Call U Back’ is a song about when you really like someone and you chase them around to try and make it work, but end up just making a fool of yourself by holding onto the slightest chance of it working,” Stephens told Stereogum. “When you listen to it, imagine you’re drunk on a night out at the point that things slowly start to just feel awful…”

I’m sure it’s deeply familiar to all of us. But especially to you.

Google wins appeal over Chrome selloff

Google secured a partial win this week as U.S. District Judge Amit Mehta decided the tech giant would not need to sell its Chrome browser or Android operating system over monopoly concerns. However, the court mandated that Google must share its search data with competitors to encourage fairer competition in the online search market.

The ruling came after a five-year legal battle, with Judge Mehta acknowledging the challenges of regulating a rapidly evolving tech landscape. "Here, the court is asked to gaze into a crystal ball and look to the future. Not exactly a judge's forte," he noted, highlighting the rise of AI as a disruptive force in the industry.

Google parent company Alphabet $GOOGL ( ▲ 9.14% ) saw its shares rise 7% on the news, as investors were reassured that Google's core products would remain intact. The data-sharing requirement, however, poses a potential long-term threat.

Google expressed concern about the ruling's implications. "Data sharing will impact our users and their privacy, and we’re reviewing the decision closely," the company said, because nobody told them to just take the win, for crying out loud.

The case is expected to reach the Supreme Court, with big long-term implications.

Today on the ‘gram: At a 7-year-old’s level

Post of the day: Yield curve differentials

Quote of the Day

Amazon’s gonna stop you sharing free shipping

Amazon $AMZN ( ▲ 0.29% ) will end its Prime Invitee Program on October 1 for users who share Amazon Prime's free shipping benefits with others outside their household. The totally insane borderline Communist program, which previously allowed Prime members to extend free two-day shipping to others — even if they lived at a different address — will no longer be available.

Starting next month, invitees who don’t live with the primary account holder will need to purchase their own damned Prime membership because this is America, God damn it.

Amazon is shifting focus to its comparatively milquetoast Amazon Family plan, which lets Prime members share free shipping with one other adult, four children, and up to four teens, provided all users share the same primary address. You can also, I believe, share free shipping with a monkey, up to six goats, nineteen chihuahuas and a loon, but check the small print.

Despite the belt-tightening announcement, an Amazon spokesperson emphasized that the company is hardly going out of business. It’s more like they’ve stopped giving you a free taste before you pay for their product, to borrow from the language of these streets on which I came up the hard way.

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👍️ 

Yes freaking way.

Trump to ask SCOTUS for quick tariff hearing

Very much still alive President Donald Trump is set to request an expedited Supreme Court ruling to salvage his controversial tariffs imposed under the International Emergency Economic Powers Act (IEEPA). This follows a federal appeals court ruling last week that deemed the tariffs illegal, marking a significant, let’s say, setback for Trump’s trade policies.

“We need an early decision,” Trump said, citing potential “devastation” if the duties are struck down. The Supreme Court, with its 6–3 conservative majority, will now evaluate whether IEEPA grants the president broad authority to impose tariffs unilaterally under the guise of a national emergency.

Legal analysts suggest the Court may apply the major questions doctrine, which limits executive power in matters of vast economic or political impact unless Congress explicitly grants such authority. The court notably used this doctrine in 2023 to strike down President Joe Biden's student loan forgiveness plan. John Veroneau, former U.S. Trade Representative, remarked, “I have a really hard time believing that the Supreme Court is going to read International Emergency Economic Powers Act in such a broad way.”

Still, stranger things have happened than a show of the same name on Netflix $NFLX ( ▲ 0.99% ) .

While the Trump administration explores alternative legal avenues for tariffs, the stakes are high. Ryan Majerus, a trade attorney, noted, “That decision, either way, will have significant implications for where the administration’s trade policy goes next.”

Powerball jackpot soars to $1.3 billion

There are 1,135 billionaires in America right now, and for $2, you have a 1 in 292,201,338 chance of joining them, assuming you don’t subtract the horrendous tax burden you’ll face when they write you that check. Collectively, these people are worth about $5.7 trillion, according to the Wall Street Journal’s estimates. That’s enough wealth to buy a Corvette Stingray convertible for every U.S. driver aged over 65; four-year Harvard tuition, room and board for 1 million students, plus a $10,000 annual stipend; all the stock in McDonald's $MCD ( ▲ 0.2% ) , Delta Air Lines $DAL ( ▲ 0.23% ) , Ford $F ( ▼ 0.85% ) and Lululemon $LULU ( ▼ 0.84% ) , and still have $8 billion left over. Or as Dr. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin might have told you in eighteenth-century France, you could buy one of his inventions for just a few hundred francs and get some real value out of it on this score. KIDDING. Buy a Powerball ticket for crying out loud.

Poll of the day: For shame…

As I’m sure you know, the Marquis de Sade once said that “One is never so dangerous when one has no shame, than when one has grown too old to blush,” and he wrote a book featuring 600 scenes of sadistic, depraved material which I, too, am ashamed to say, I have never even read. Anyway. There’s a point to all this.

Poll results: Have we even MET Gala?

We asked: Do you think Anna Wintour really wants her "successor" to be successful?

You answered:

🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Oh yes. This is like when King Lear tried to divide his property between his three daughters, and everything turned out just superbly. I'm sure Anna Wintour really wants her "replacement" to do well. (167 votes)

 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Anna Wintour would prefer to die under torture than see anyone else inherit power at Vogue. This announcement is nonsense. I pity the poor new "editor." A Shakespearean tragedy awaits! (268 votes) 

435 Votes via @beehiiv polls