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Happy Monday, !

Joan “Poet Laureate“ Benson won last week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ based on the Supreme Court overthrowing the tariffs:

Congratulations, Joan! “I’m honored to be chosen from such an array of great Haikus! Everyone’s a winner! Thank you!” emailed Joan, who is the only actual winner. Here’s your celebratory meme, Joan:

And here’s how you all voted on the competition:

⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Urgency claimed loud, The law answers with a line, “Not everything fits.” ~ Jill Le Brasseur (13)
🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Who do I contact, To get a full refund on, The past thirteen months? ~ Remy Zane (108)
🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Checks and balances, remove some of Trump’s power. Thanks Founding Fathers! ~Margaret Lea (99)
🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Black robes draw a line, Emergencies aren’t blank checks. Tariffs need Congress. ~ Kristin Lanham (100)
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Tariffs are revoked, prompting another tantrum. Where is our refund? ~ Joan Benson (179)
499 Votes via @beehiiv polls

This week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ is about the Iran… war? conflict? kerfuffle? ado? spat? mess? brouhaha? difference of opinions? Let’s just call it “the Iran situation.” Send me your entry — to haiku at cheddar dot com — by noon ET Thursday, for consideration by your Cheddar peers.

Amazingly there’s also some other news you Need2Know…

Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• Iran: What’s the impact?

• OpenAI boss has an "I am Spartacus" moment with An …

• Paramount wins bidding war for Warner Bros. after …

• Jeff Bezos wants to buy industrial companies ‘disr …

• Twitter founder fires 4,000 people in a tweet

• Government agencies raise alarm about Grok

• Poll of the day: Grok at the DOD

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

$SPX ( ▼ 0.43% ) $DJI ( ▼ 1.05% ) $NDX ( ▼ 0.92% )  

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

$LMT ( ▲ 2.56% )  $BA ( ▼ 0.82% )  $BZG23 ( 0.0% )  $CL_F ( 0.0% )  $MSFT ( ▼ 2.24% )  $GOOGL ( ▲ 1.43% )  $META ( ▼ 1.34% ) . $JPM ( ▼ 1.9% )  $AMZN ( ▲ 1.0% )  $NVDA ( ▼ 4.17% )  $SFTBY ( ▼ 0.91% )  $PSKY ( ▲ 20.84% )  $WBD ( ▼ 2.19% )  $NFLX ( ▲ 13.77% )  $DIS ( ▲ 0.46% )  $AMZN ( ▲ 1.0% )  

Iran: What’s the impact?

I got two separate texts on Saturday morning saying “nice to wake up to another war.” [That was me! —ed.]

I responded to both, writing: “good album title.” And that’s the sum total of my political commentary for this morning. Meanwhile, what’s the impact of the massive escalation in Iran on on business, tech, and finance? Well, first things first:

And then, of course…

Businesss and Finance: Wall Street futures plunged immediately by about 1%, across the board, following the news. We’ll see if that drop plays out in reality by the time markets open at 9 a.m. ET today, when defense and aerospace stocks (Lockheed Martin $LMT ( ▲ 2.56% ) Boeing $BA ( ▼ 0.82% ) ) are expected to outperform. Then there’s the energy markets. Leading up to the attack, crude oil prices had already jumped over 3% $BZG23 ( 0.0% ) on Friday after the U.S. called on its citizens to leave Iran, briefly pushing the international benchmark Brent past $73 per barrel. Crude Oil Futures $CL_F ( 0.0% ) were up sharply over the weekend (see the graph above) and without signs of deescalation, prices could surge upward by as much as $10 to $20 per barrel when the market reopens, Jorge “Analyze This” León, head of geopolitical analysis at Rystad Energy, told Yahoo Finance. Axel “Analyze That” Rudolph, an analyst at IG, told the AP that escalating threats had already pushed oil to a "seven-month high." Following the strikes, experts warn that if Iran disrupts the Strait of Hormuz, oil could spike above $100, though existing supply surpluses might temper that. OPEC also promised on Sunday to increase production. Pretty glad you bought that Prius, eh?

Tech: Reports indicate that massive compute clusters at Microsoft $MSFT ( ▼ 2.24% ) and Google $GOOGL ( ▲ 1.43% ) are also being prioritized for military and intelligence "drafting," which may temporarily slow public AI tool performance. (Grok will probably still make naked pictures of your ex, so that’s one big worry off the table. Although maybe not for your ex.) President Trump also directed the Department of Defense to stop using Anthropic AI on Friday night before the attacks — after Anthropic refused to permit AI use for mass surveillance or autonomous lethal weapons. The implications were more theoretical on Friday, but there’ll be real implications now. The question, of course, is whether another AI firm would step into the ethical breach, or if they’ll all stand together and avoid crossing such “red lines.” 👇🏻

OpenAI boss has an "I am Spartacus" moment with Anthropic at the Department of Defense

In the escalating standoff between AI firm Anthropic and the Department of Defense, rival firm OpenAI CEO’s Sam Altman has taken an “I am Spartacus” stance that may redefine the future relationship between AI developers and the government.

Altman, in a memo to staff, reaffirmed OpenAI’s commitment to strict ethical boundaries, aligning with Anthropic’s refusal to permit AI use for mass surveillance or autonomous lethal weapons. These “red lines,” now shared by both companies, have been central to Anthropic’s fight with the Department of Defense.

The stakes are high. Anthropic’s refusal to allow unrestricted usage of their AI model, Claude, has led the Pentagon to explore alternatives — potentially positioning OpenAI’s ChatGPT as a replacement. While Altman voiced solidarity with Anthropic’s principles, he also expressed a willingness to work with the DoD, assuming they’re prepared to honor the “red lines.” That willingness, however, has prompted a backlash, with Redditors guiding one another on how to leave ChatGPT for Anthropic’s Claude.

The Pentagon, meanwhile, has pushed for unlimited “lawful” use of AI tools, framing private companies’ influence as a potential obstacle to national security, especially during a tech race with China. Altman acknowledges the complexity of this issue, emphasizing the need to “do the right thing, not the easy thing” in the memo. This newsletter, it should be noted, always does the easy thing, which is often also lawful.

OpenAI also announced a record $110 billion funding round on Friday, led by $AMZN ( ▲ 1.0% ) Amazon, $NVDA ( ▼ 4.17% ) Nvidia, and SoftBank $SFTBY ( ▼ 0.91% ) , boosting its pre-IPO valuation to $730 billion, compared to Anthropic’s $380 billion valuation.

Paramount wins bidding war for Warner Bros. after Netflix drops out

Paramount Skydance $PSKY ( ▲ 20.84% ) , led by David Ellison, has triumphed in the bidding war for Warner Bros. Discovery $WBD ( ▼ 2.19% ) , outmatching Netflix's $NFLX ( ▲ 13.77% ) efforts with a $31-per-share bid valued at $81 billion. Netflix, which had initially secured a deal to acquire Warner for $72 billion last December, dropped out of the race after the Warner board deemed Paramount's offer superior.

“We’ve always been disciplined, and at the price required to match Paramount Skydance’s latest offer, the deal is no longer financially attractive,” said Netflix co-CEOs Ted “My company’s worth $408 billion“ Sarandos and Greg “Mine, too!” Peters. “This transaction was always a ‘nice to have’ at the right price, not a ‘must have’ at any price.” Netflix stock surged more than 10% after it walked away from the deal.

Pending regulatory approval, which is likely to come because this country has no regulations anymore the regulators have been making warm noises about this deal since Christmas, Paramount will assume control of Warner Bros., HBO, and an array of cable networks such as CNN, TBS, and TNT.

Warner Discovery CEO David “Houdini” Zaslav described the deal as transformative, saying, “Once our Board votes to adopt the Paramount merger agreement, it will create tremendous value for our shareholders.”

Ellison's strategic pivot toward this acquisition comes as Paramount seeks to compete with industry titans like Disney $DIS ( ▲ 0.46% ) , Netflix (*yes, them again!), and Amazon $AMZN ( ▲ 1.0% ) .

Quote of the Day

Jeff Bezos wants to buy industrial companies ‘disrupted’ by AI

Jeff “Jeff Bezos” Bezos is making waves once again with Project Prometheus, an ambitious AI-driven initiative that aims to disrupt the manufacturing and industrial sectors.

Led by Bezos alongside former Google $GOOGL ( ▲ 1.43% ) executive Vikram “Jeff Bezos” Bajaj, the project has already raised $6.2 billion, valuing the company at approximately $30 billion. Now, Prometheus is in talks to raise tens of billions of dollars more, targeting companies it predicts will face disruption from its groundbreaking technology. I’m so certain this is something the trade unions are going to rejoice over.

Prometheus aims to go beyond traditional AI systems, developing tools capable of mapping and understanding the physical and industrial world, from jet engine manufacturing to computer chip design. The company has already acquired data to train its AI models and is hiring top talent from OpenAI, Google DeepMind, and Meta $META ( ▼ 1.34% ) .

With Bezos actively involved as co-CEO, alongside sovereign wealth funds and major players like JPMorgan $JPM ( ▼ 1.9% ) entering funding discussions, Prometheus is positioning itself as a transformative force in industry and technology.

Song of the Day: Raye, ‘Nightingale Lane’

Here’s a soulful ballad set on a South London street. (It is not about me.) What more could you ask for, people?

Free yourself from advertising forever!

Twitter founder fires 4,000 people in a tweet

San Francisco-based fintech giant Block $XYZ ( ▲ 16.82% ) announced significant layoffs last week, cutting 4,000 of its 10,000 employees as part of an effort to streamline operations and capitalize on advancements in AI, which reportedly stands for “artificial intelligence.”

Basically, robots are doing over a third of the company’s jobs now.

The company, founded in 2009 by former Twitter founder Jack “Jeff Bezos” Dorsey, reported a 24% year-over-year increase in gross profit during the fourth quarter. Its shares surged more than 20% on news of the layoffs.

"For years, we have debated whether AI would dent jobs at the margin. Now we have a public case study in which the CEO explicitly says that intelligence tools have changed what it means to build and run a company,” Stephen “Innit?” Innes of SPI Asset Management, told the Associated Press. Dorsey highlighted Block’s acknowledgment of AI’s role in reorganizing its workforce:

The transparency contrasts with other companies that have downplayed AI-related layoffs.

Government agencies raise alarm about Grok

Federal officials have expressed unease about the “safety” and “reliability” of Elon Musk’s xAI tools, sparking an ongoing debate within the U.S. government regarding which AI models should be deployed. Despite these reservations, the Pentagon has chosen to integrate xAI’s chatbot Grok into some of the nation’s most sensitive operations, underscoring its preference over competitors like Anthropic. The latter was initially approved for classified settings, but internal disagreements have emerged over its perceived “woke” stance and ties to Democratic donors.

A notable critic, Ed “Sarah Connor“ Forst from the General Services Administration, voiced concerns about Grok, labeling it as “sycophantic and too susceptible to manipulation,” according to the Wall Street Journal. Grok’s prior controversies, including inappropriate photo editing, denying the Holocaust and calling itself “MechaHitler,” further fueled “skepticism” and “caution” among “officials.” The chatbot is described as also being more vulnerable to “data poisoning,” which is something like food poisoning, only it kills everyone on the planet.

Despite the “safety” “issues,” the Pentagon remains keen on deploying Grok, according to … spokespeople. What’s the worst that could happen? Seriously, tell us in today’s poll.

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👎️ 

No.

Poll of the day: Grok at the DOD

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