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Greetings N2K reader!

This week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ is about how inflation came in well below expectations on Friday, sending markets back up after a choppy week. I believe you — yes, you, dear reader! — can craft an incredible haiku on the subject. Send me your entry — to our spiffy new email address, haiku at cheddar dot com — by noon ET Thursday (Christmas!) for consideration by your Cheddar peers!

And now for something completely different, and yet somehow also familiar…

—Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• Santa Claus rally lifts markets 🎅🏻

• Internal battles rage at CBS over pulling down of …

• Eli Lilly’s new pill keeps the weight off after Oz …

• The Kennedy Center gets a would-be rebrand

• Inside TikTok’s “American makeover”

• Poll of the day: 60 minutes of somethin’…

• Poll results: The bourbon came in a close second

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

$SPX ( ▲ 0.69% ) $DJI ( ▲ 0.47% ) $NDX ( ▲ 0.9% )

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

$NVDA ( ▲ 1.02% )  $UBER ( ▲ 1.26% )  $LYFT ( ▲ 0.36% )  $WBD ( ▲ 0.77% )  $PSKY ( ▼ 2.1% )  $NFLX ( ▲ 2.17% )  $LIY ( ▼ 2.57% )  $ORCL ( ▼ 5.4% )  

Santa Claus rally lifts markets 🎅🏻

U.S. stocks rose on Monday, kicking off a holiday-shortened trading week with gains led by tech and AI-focused companies. The S&P 500 $SPX ( ▲ 0.69% ) climbed 0.6%, remaining near its record high. Technology stocks were the primary drivers of market momentum, with Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 1.02% ) rising 1.3% as investors continue betting big on AI innovation. Chris Larkin, managing director of trading and investing at E-Trade from Morgan Stanley, noted the vital role of AI sentiment in market movement, telling the AP, “If a Santa Claus rally does kick in this year, St. Nick’s gift bag will likely need to be full of positive tech sentiment.”

Other notable players included Uber $UBER ( ▲ 1.26% ) (which gained 2.5%) and Lyft $LYFT ( ▲ 0.36% ) (up 2.3%) following announcements of robotaxi services coming to London next year. Warner Bros. Discovery $WBD ( ▲ 0.77% ) climbed 3.5% amid continued speculation surrounding Paramount Skydance’s $PSKY ( ▼ 2.1% ) newly sweetened takeover bid, while Netflix $NFLX ( ▲ 2.17% ) dipped 1.3%. Gold and silver prices also surged as safe-haven assets gained traction alongside bullish moves in energy markets.

Song of the Day: Dijon, ‘Yamaha’

"Yamaha," from Dijon’s 2025 album “Baby” masterfully blends deconstructed R&B, '80s synth-soul, and intimate vocals with atmospheric production. He crafts a hypnotic, nostalgic soundscape that’s both emotionally resonant and experimental, showcasing his talent for balancing beauty with raw textures — just like this newsletter!

Internal battles rage at CBS over pulling down of a ‘60 Minutes’ story

The fireworks are going off at CBS News, and they’re not set to stop any time soon. Just hours before air, “60 Minutes” pulled a story featuring interviews with deportees who had been sent to El Salvador’s infamous CECOT prison. The story was axed by CBS News Editor-in-Chief Bari Weiss, who claimed it didn’t “advance the ball.” Was her move for newsroom integrity or just politics? The debate occurs as CBS’s owner Paramount $PSKY ( ▼ 2.1% ) makes a bid to control $WBD ( ▲ 0.77% ) Warner Bros, the owner of CNN.

Correspondent Sharyn Alfonsi wasn’t having it. In a fiery email to colleagues, she argued the piece had passed legal and editorial checks. She accused Weiss of caving to political pressure. “Pulling it now after every rigorous internal check has been met is not an editorial decision; it is a political one,” Alfonsi wrote. She shot down the Trump administration’s refusal to comment as merely “a tactical maneuver designed to kill the story.”

Meanwhile, Weiss doubled down, telling employees, “We need to be able to get the principals on the record and on camera. Anything less isn’t good enough for ‘60 Minutes.’” 

That’s bold — especially for a new leader who is friendly with President Trump’s circle, arranging interviews with figures like Jared Kushner. Rep. Ro Khanna (D-Calif.) said the decision hurts the network’s reputation on X:

Weigh in in today’s poll below…

Quote of the Day

Eli Lilly’s new pill keeps the weight off after Ozempic

How long until it’s retro to be fat again? Like, you know…smoking?

Eli Lilly $LIY ( ▼ 2.57% ) is shaking up the weight-loss and diabetes market once again, filing for FDA approval of its oral medication (as in you take it by mouth, not that it’s easy to say…) orforglipron, a GLP-1 pill designed to help patients maintain weight loss after using injectable therapies like Wegovy and Zepbound. The move follows successful Phase 3 trials, which showed promising results for obesity management and Type 2 diabetes treatment.

Kenneth “No relation to the General” Custer at Lily said: “Obesity is a chronic, progressive disease, and sustaining weight loss remains a significant challenge for many.” He emphasized that the pill “helped people maintain the weight they worked hard to lose” and simplified the process, allowing patients to switch directly from injectable therapies to oral doses.

In recent studies, participants who switched from Wegovy regained only 2 pounds after losing an average of 41 pounds, while Zepbound users regained 11 pounds after losing 55. This was in stark contrast to placebo users, showing orforglipron’s effectiveness even with similar diet and exercise counseling.

Hand me a pie, please, waiter. I’m committing to the counter-culture!

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👍️ 

Yes. Santa is in his sleigh, and it’s full of *imaginary* stock market value — just for you! #NotFinancialAdvice

The Kennedy Center gets a would-be rebrand

The Kennedy Center has found itself at the center of controversy after the board of trustees purportedly voted to rename the iconic arts venue the "Trump-Kennedy Center" to honor Donald Trump’s contributions to (checks notes) “saving the building.” According to the White House, the vote was “unanimous,” but Democratic Rep. Joyce Beatty, a board member, revealed a much murkier picture.

In a scathing statement on X, Beatty accused the administration of silencing dissent. “This was not unanimous,” she said. “I was muted on the call and not allowed to speak or voice my opposition.” It sounds a lot like that time my extended family staged an intervention.

Beatty further claimed the rebrand wasn’t even on the meeting agenda, labeling the process “censorship.”

The rebranding move has enraged members of the Kennedy family (which one senses may have been the whole point of the exercise), with Joe Kennedy III writing, “The Kennedy Center is a living memorial to a fallen president... It can no sooner be renamed than can someone rename the Lincoln Memorial."

Beatty called the entire meeting a “mockery,” describing board members laughing and joking as they awkwardly handled voting equipment. The vote itself reportedly took place at billionaire Steve Wynn’s home, with notable Trump allies — such as Pam Bondi and Laura Ingraham — backing the motion. With Congress required to approve any renaming, this attempt at "brand building" seems far from over.

Inside TikTok’s “American makeover”

Good news: We’ll still be able to watch all the stupid videos we want come the New Year because — after years of political disputes, legal hurdles, and even a brief app blackout — TikTok is officially getting an “American makeover.”

CEO Shou Zi Chew announced in a memo last week that the company has finalized a deal to create a new U.S. entity, which will be completed by January 22, 2026. The joint venture, TikTok USDS Joint Venture LLC, marks a significant restructuring aimed at addressing American security concerns.

The new ownership structure is complex but strategically designed to satisfy U.S. lawmakers. Oracle $ORCL ( ▼ 5.4% ) , private equity firm Silver Lake, and Abu Dhabi's investment firm MGX now hold a combined 45% stake in the new entity, while affiliates of ByteDance's existing investors control 30%. ByteDance itself retains just under 20%. The setup ensures the majority of ownership lies with American investors, aligning with legislation passed by Congress in 2025 mandating ByteDance to sell its U.S. operations or face a ban.

Oracle, led by Trump ally Larry Ellison, will serve as the “trusted security partner,” overseeing data protection, the recommendation algorithm, and content moderation. “The goal is to insulate American users from potential outside manipulation,” the company said.

Meanwhile, TikTok promises no major changes to the app’s user experience. “It’s still the same app, same features, and same global community,” CEO Chew assured.

Fast Company ran a story yesterday asking what’s really going on with the deal, with critics arguing it may be less about safeguarding American interests and more about financial opportunism. The fear, shared by both Republicans and Democrats, centers around the possibility that TikTok’s algorithm could manipulate American teens or sway public opinion favorably toward China.

“The leaked details of this deal seem to imply that the public debate and concerns were a red herring,” Catalina Goanta, a professor at Utrecht University, told the outlet.

Poll of the day: 60 minutes of somethin’…

Poll results: The bourbon came in a close second

We asked: “Which Xmas tech gift most excites you?”, and I’m afriad I have some bad news for the makers of the TheraGun Mini Plus…

You answered:

🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Nintendo Switch 2: $450 (36)

⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ TheraGun Mini Plus: $280 (27)

🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Percussion eye massager: $75 (55)

⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Pura Smart Scent diffuser: $48 (29)

⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Fujifilm's Instax Wide 400: $175 (18)

⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ I'd prefer a humble lump of coal, thank you (26)

🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨 I'd prefer a bottle of Bourbon, thank you (189)

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 I'd prefer a new timeline, thank you (196) 

LOLS. 576 Votes via @beehiiv polls

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