This week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ is about how the oil market chaos might accelerate the shift to electric cars. Send me your entry — to haiku at cheddar dot com — by noon ET Thursday, for consideration by your Cheddar peers.

And now for some news you really N2K!

Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• Stocks soar as Iranian leader signals openness to …

• The 94-year-old casually selling his food empire f …

• Head of sexual-wellness business OneTaste sentence …

• How BillionToOne's Unity testing system is redefin …

• Report: Pete Hegseth’s broker looked to buy defens …

What’s the stock market up to, eh?*

$SPX ( ▲ 2.91% ) $DJI ( ▲ 2.49% ) $NDX ( ▲ 3.83% )  

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

$CMG ( ▲ 2.73% )  $SYY ( ▲ 2.93% )  $MS ( ▲ 3.92% )  $BLK ( ▲ 2.96% )  $RTX ( ▲ 3.07% )  $LMT ( ▲ 0.97% )  $NOC ( ▲ 1.59% )  $PLTR ( ▲ 6.35% )

Stocks soar as Iranian leader signals openness to negotiations

Wall Street erupted in the afternoon yesterday as hopes for peace in the Middle East sent stocks sharply higher. The Dow Jones Industrial Average $DJI ( ▲ 2.49% ) surged roughly 1,000 points, climbing 2.35%, the S&P 500 $SPX ( ▲ 2.91% ) jumped 2.80%, and the tech-heavy Nasdaq Composite $NDAQ ( ▲ 1.64% ) led the charge with a 3.76% gain.

The rally accelerated after Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian indicated his country may be open to negotiations to end the conflict that has wreaked havoc on global energy markets. In comments reported by Turkish media, Pezeshkian stated that any resolution must "guarantee the security and interests of the Iranian people."

Markets had already been trending upward earlier in the session following reports that President Trump told administration officials he would consider ending the war without requiring a full reopening of the Strait of Hormuz. Trump reinforced this sentiment on Truth Social, declaring, "Iran has been, essentially, decimated. The hard part is done."

Oil prices tumbled on the news. Brent crude futures dropped 3.4% to below $104 per barrel, while West Texas Intermediate fell 2.5% to around $100.30. Despite the pullback, American consumers are still feeling the pain — U.S. gas prices crossed $4 per gallon nationally on Tuesday, according to AAA data.

It’s also worth noting that yesterday’s bump represents less than half the market damage done by the war as a whole over the last month:

The 94-year-old casually selling his food empire for $29 Billion

Well, isn't this just delightful news to wake up to? While I'm over here clipping coupons and debating whether I can afford guacamole at Chipotle $CMG ( ▲ 2.73% ) , Nathan Kirsh — a sprightly 94-year-old — just sold his Jetro Restaurant Depot side project for a cool $29.1 billion.

The company pioneered the cash-and-carry model, allowing small-restaurant owners and other independent businesses to visit one of its warehouses to pick up food supplies at any time. By cutting out delivery and distribution costs, the company says it can offer more affordable prices.

The sale to food-distributor Sysco $SYY ( ▲ 2.93% ) caps an unlikely career for the low-profile Kirsh and his food business. He looked at a Brooklyn warehouse in 1976 and thought, "You know what? I'll just revolutionize how restaurants get their supplies." 

Meanwhile, I looked at my closet yesterday and had a hard time deciding which pants to wear. Seriously, it’s these spring days. They start cool but warm up later. Do you gamble, or go for broke? It’s taxing!

He told a gathering of business leaders in 2011: "We literally have no competition."

He's also got a London skyscraper, invested in Australian real estate, and has been quietly funding businesses in the country of Eswatini. His net worth? A modest $7.3 billion — before this sale. So congratulations, Mr. Kirsh. May we all learn something from your efforts.

Song of the Day: Avalon Emerson, ‘Happy Birthday’

Avalon Emerson is a queen of the Berlin club scene, as we all know. However, she’s traded the DJ booth for a career as a frontwoman on this track, which delivers pure indie electronica magic.

Head of sexual-wellness business OneTaste sentenced to nine years in prison

Nicole Daedone, founder of sexual-wellness company OneTaste, was sentenced Monday to nine years in federal prison for conspiracy to commit forced labor, a scheme prosecutors say spanned more than a decade.

U.S. District Judge Diane Gujarati handed down the sentence, which includes $12 million in forfeiture and nearly $900,000 in restitution. The judge dismissed any notion that Daedone's actions served a higher purpose. "What she was doing was not about enlightenment or operating in a different dimension," Gujarati said.

Prosecutors had sought 20 years, arguing the damage was profound. "It destroyed livelihoods, corrupted trust and weaponized intimacy," they wrote in their sentencing memo.

Victim Michal Neria addressed the court directly: "I fell into Nicole's trap," she said, describing how promises of healing left her "depressed, sexually traumatized, and in debt."

Daedone, appearing in tan jail garb and leg shackles, declined to speak when offered the opportunity. "No, thank you," she said, appearing serene throughout while occasionally grinning at supporters.

Her lawyer, Jennifer Bonjean, argued victims "had the unfettered ability to leave the community at any time" and confirmed plans to appeal.

Despite the conviction, OneTaste still operates, and Ms. Daedone maintains an Instagram account, from which the above is a recent post. CEO Anjuli Ayer remained steadfast outside the courthouse: "Nicole and the practice of orgasmic meditation saved my life,” she said.

How BillionToOne's Unity testing system is redefining prenatal genetic screening

The landscape of prenatal genetic testing is experiencing a transformation, giving expectant parents unprecedented insight into their baby’s health. According to Jen Hoskovec at BillionToOne, the company’s “Unity” platform leverages a powerful tool called quantitative counting templates. Jen explained that this technology “allows us to very precisely measure very small changes in what we call cell-free DNA”.

Before Unity, screening for inherited conditions like cystic fibrosis or sickle cell disease required testing both the pregnant patient and the reproductive partner. Unity eliminates this roadblock. “We’re able to screen the pregnant patient, and, if we identify that she carries one of these genetic conditions, we can automatically from the same blood sample screen the fetus,” Jen said.

Unity recently expanded screening to include inherited conditions like spinal muscular atrophy and Tay-Sachs disease, capabilities that “were not available here in the United States prior to the Unity launch in 2019.” This makes complex genetic testing simple and more accessible, fundamentally changing the prenatal experience.

Quote of the Day

Report: Pete Hegseth’s broker looked to buy defense fund before Iran attack 

Well, isn't this a remarkable coincidence?

According to the Financial Times, Pete Hegseth's broker at Morgan Stanley $MS ( ▲ 3.92% ) reached out to BlackRock $BLK ( ▲ 2.96% ) in February about dropping a "multimillion-dollar investment" into the Defense Industrials Active ETF — a fund literally designed to profit from "increased government spending on defense and security amid geopolitical fragmentation."

Wouldn't you know it — this inquiry came just weeks before Hegseth, the actual Defense Secretary, helped orchestrate a military attack on Iran. The fund's top holdings? RTX $RTX ( ▲ 3.07% ) , Lockheed Martin $LMT ( ▲ 0.97% ) , Northrop Grumman $NOC ( ▲ 1.59% ) , and Palantir $PLTR ( ▲ 6.35% ) . You know, the companies whose biggest customer happens to be Hegseth's own department.

Don't worry, folks. Pentagon spokesperson Sean Parnell assures us on X that this allegation is "entirely false and fabricated."

Case closed!

The investment didn't even go through; apparently the fund wasn't available on Morgan Stanley's platform yet. Really, we should be thanking bureaucratic inefficiency for preventing what would surely have been a totally innocent, completely unrelated financial decision.

Meanwhile, Wall Street analysts are increasingly scrutinizing trades made suspiciously close to Trump administration decisions.

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Should you check your 401(k) today?

👍️ 

Yes. It should be about half way between where it was in February and where it was yesterday.

Poll of the day: Department of… er…

Poll of the day: Je Ne Regrette Rien

We asked: “Was the CEO of Air Canada right to quit over his condolence message?”

You answered:

🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨 Oui (274)
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Non (287)
561 Votes via @beehiiv polls

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