Hello, N2K’ers!

The winner of Cheddar’s second ever world-famous News Haiku™ competition is Rooman Karmacharya, a longtime Need2Know reader who lives in the state of Georgia, but is originally from Nepal.

🥁 (drumroll)

Here’s his haiku, on the theme of “jobs numbers”:

Here’s your prize, Rooman:

We contacted Rooman on Friday to tell him he’d won. He’s yet to get back to us, presumably because he has gone on a weekend-long bender to celebrate.

This week, our world-famous News Haiku™ competition theme is that the U.S. air force is eyeing the purchase of Tesla Cybertrucks — in order to blow them up. Send me a haiku on the subject by Thursday at noon ET right here. Winner gets glory — lots of glory, and a GIF!

Now let’s talk about the news you Need2Know?

—Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• The Air Force wants to buy Tesla Cybertrucks and b …

• OpenAI unleashes new chatbot on the world

• Trump taps loyalist for open Fed seat

• Stocks are hovering around their records again

• Intel CEO responds after Trump calls for his resig …

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

$SPX ( ▲ 0.53% ) $DJI ( ▲ 1.03% ) $NDX ( ▲ 0.56% )

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter*

$TSLA ( ▼ 1.33% ) OpenAI $NVDA ( ▼ 0.23% )  $AAPL ( ▲ 1.27% )  $GILD ( 0.0% )  $UBS ( ▲ 1.75% )  $INTC ( ▲ 3.71% )  

The Air Force wants to buy Tesla Cybertrucks and blow them up

The U.S. Air Force wants to buy Tesla $TSLA ( ▼ 1.33% )  Cybertrucks — and then blow them to smithereens. According to contracting documents, the Air Force Test Center is looking to add not one but two whole Cybertrucks to its testing program at New Mexico’s White Sands Missile Range.

Why? So they can simulate how these futuristic vehicles might fare in battlefield scenarios against precision-guided munitions. It seems Elon Musk’s angular, “bulletproof” creation has secured a spot not just in the garages of tech enthusiasts but in the sights of advanced military weaponry.

Military officials are surprisingly candid about the decision. "In the operating theater, it is likely the type of vehicles used by the enemy may transition to Tesla Cybertrucks," it said. Why the Cybertruck specifically? Apparently, its “unpainted stainless steel exoskeleton and sharply angular form” make it different enough from traditional vehicles to warrant a special appearance in weapons testing.

Song of the day: Westside Cowboy, “I’ve never met anyone I thought I could really love (until I met you)”

This Manchester-based indie rock quartet embrace slacker rock and transatlantic influences on this track from their new EP, “This Better Be Something Great.”

“We like the idea of making something that feels totally timeless, songs that could be sung in a pub by a group of old drunks in 50 years’ time,” the band told Stereogum. 

They seem to assume these imaginary drunks could get their tongues around their over-long song titles, but that’s always the risk of embracing slacker rock and transatlantic influences, I guess?

OpenAI unleashes new chatbot on the world

The future of AI is here — again. OpenAI has officially unveiled GPT-5, the latest iteration of its AI model powering ChatGPT, and it promises to be a major step forward. According to OpenAI CEO Sam Altman, the new model is a game-changer. “GPT-5 is the first time that it feels like talking to an expert in any topic—a Ph.D.-level expert,” Altman said during a recent briefing.

The upgrades? It’s faster, more accurate, and notably better at avoiding "hallucinations," where AI confidently makes up inaccurate information. I mean, we’ve all done it. I do it in conversation with my wife all the time.

OpenAI’s Nick Turley, vice president overseeing ChatGPT, explained a key addition: reasoning abilities. “For most people on ChatGPT, this is their first introduction to reasoning,” said Turley. “It just knows when to ‘think.’”

The new AI reportedly enables users — even total beginners — to build software apps from simple text prompts. In one demo, an OpenAI engineer created a “learn French” app in mere minutes. Given how long it’s taken DuoLingo to fail to teach me to speak Italian, I’m sure the app’s manufacturers are quaking in their shoes.

Altman described GPT-5 as a “significant step” toward artificial general intelligence (AGI) — a system capable of performing any task a human can. But he tempered expectations, admitting GPT-5 isn’t quite there yet.

Today on the ‘gram: Is there nothing robots can’t do?

Post of the day: Dubai chocolate, British style…

Quote of the Day

Trump taps loyalist for open Fed seat

In his latest move to leave an imprint on the Federal Reserve, President Donald Trump has announced that he intends to nominate Stephen “Call Me Helen” Miran, the White House economic adviser and current chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers, to a temporary seat on the Fed board.

If confirmed, Miran will fill the vacancy left by Adriana Kugler, who recently announced her early departure. Known for his criticism of the strong dollar and skepticism about inflation risks, Miran has been a key player in Trump's trade and economic policies. “There’s no reason in the data to worry about inflation,” Miran said earlier this summer, defending tariffs.

The choice has drawn both praise and criticism. Senator Tim “Call Me Helen, Too” Scott (a Republican) applauded Miran’s credentials and welcomed a swift confirmation process. However, Senator Elizabeth “Don’t Call Me Pocahontas” Warren (a Democrat) denounced the pick, calling Miran “a Trump loyalist” and a key architect of the “chaotic tariff policy that has hurt Americans’ wallets.”

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👍️ 

Yes.

Stocks are hovering around their records again

Wall Street saw impressive gains on Friday, keeping major indexes on track for new highs and marking three weekly wins in the last four. The S&P 500 rose 0.8%, nearing a record run and erasing its previous week’s losses.

Technology stocks led the rally with heavyweights such as Nvidia $NVDA ( ▼ 0.23% ) and Apple $AAPL ( ▲ 1.27% ) lifting the market. Apple gained a staggering 4.2% on Friday, while Nvidia added 1%. Outside tech, Gilead Sciences $GILD ( 0.0% ) reported stellar earnings, jumping 8.3%.

Ulrike “Don’t Say My Name Sounds Like a Cocktail” Hoffmann-Burchardi, chief investment officer for UBS Global Wealth Management $UBS ( ▲ 1.75% ) , reflected optimism despite ongoing risks: “We believe stocks will stay supported amid solid fundamentals, but fresh headlines in the coming week may challenge investor sentiment that remains vulnerable to tariff, economic, and geopolitical risks,” Ulrike told the AP, suggesting perhaps that markets are stirred, but not shaken.

#NotFinancialAdvice

Intel CEO responds after Trump calls for his resignation

Intel $INTC ( ▲ 3.71% ) CEO Lip-Bu Tan has defended his leadership and integrity after the president publicly called for his resignation, claiming Tan is “highly CONFLICTED.”

Trump’s comments, shared on Truth Social, followed concerns raised by Sen. Tom Cotton over Tan’s ties to semiconductor firms allegedly linked to the Chinese Communist Party. Cotton had written to Intel’s board, asking whether Tan had divested his stakes in these companies to avoid conflicts of interest. Here he is, stirring things up on x.com:

Tan, who assumed the CEO role in March, addressed the controversy in a statement to Intel employees, asserting, “I have always operated within the highest legal and ethical standards.” He further challenged the allegations, claiming they were based on misinformation.

Intel also issued a statement reaffirming its commitment to U.S. economic and national security, aligning its efforts with the “President’s America First agenda.” Tan emphasized this shared mission, adding, “We are engaging with the Administration to address the matters that have been raised and ensure they have the facts.”

I give the guy a week. What do you think? Let us know below…

Poll of the Day: Intel under pressure