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- Wall Street's peace rally interrupted by ongoing war
Wall Street's peace rally interrupted by ongoing war
Plus: The Onion's new plan to take over Infowars
This week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ is about how New York City’s super-rich are complaining about Zohran Mamdami’s tax on second homes, saying the mayor’s proposed levy is “demonizing philanthropists.” Send me your entry — to haiku at cheddar dot com — by noon ET Thursday, for consideration by your Cheddar peers.
And now, news!
Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor
News You Need2Know
What’s the stock market up to, eh?*
Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter
$CUK ( ▼ 0.58% ) $NCLH ( ▼ 3.48% ) $UAL ( ▼ 2.84% ) $TSLA ( ▼ 2.03% ) $LUV ( ▼ 2.06% ) $BX ( ▼ 0.07% ) $AAL ( ▼ 4.23% ) $PG ( ▼ 1.66% ) $DRAFT ( 0.0% )
Wall Street's peace rally interrupted by ongoing war

(Google Nano Banana Pro)
Oil prices rose again on Monday and global stocks fell slightly as investors worry about the prospects for a speedy end to the war in the Middle East. The Strait of Hormuz remains largely closed following the U.S. seizure of an Iranian cargo ship over the weekend, halting vital global exports and giving rise to sneaky suspicions that the war may not be quite as over as all that.
Brent crude spiked to around $95 a barrel — roughly $8 above Friday’s lows. Domestically, U.S. gas prices are averaging $4.04 a gallon, and Energy Secretary Chris Wright warned they may not drop below prewar $3 levels until next year.
U.S. stocks also took a noticeable hit after setting new records on Friday, with specific companies feeling the ripple effects. Norwegian Cruise Line Holdings $NCLH ( ▼ 3.48% ) dropped 4.3%, and Carnival $CUK ( ▼ 0.58% ) lost 1.4%.
Investors are now bracing for key upcoming earnings reports from major players like United Airlines $UAL ( ▼ 2.84% ) , Tesla $TSLA ( ▼ 2.03% ) , Southwest Airlines $LUV ( ▼ 2.06% ) , Blackstone $BX ( ▼ 0.07% ) , American Airlines $AAL ( ▼ 4.23% ) , and Procter & Gamble $PG ( ▼ 1.66% ) to gauge the broader market's durability.
Quote of the Day
We are excited to lie constantly for cold, hard cash, but this time in a cool way, and we’ll make sure some of it gets back to the families.
The Onion’s new plan to take over Infowars

(Getty Images)
After a bankruptcy court scuttled its initial purchase attempt, the satirical news outlet The Onion has re-emerged with a fresh strategy to take over Alex Jones's right-wing conspiracy site, Infowars. The new plan involves The Onion’s parent company, Global Tetrahedron, paying $81,000 a month to license the site and its intellectual property from a court-appointed manager, pending a Texas judge's approval.
The ultimate goal is to turn the notorious platform into a parody of itself. Comedian Tim Heidecker, tapped as the site's new “creative director," plans to mock Jones’s “whole modus operandi.” “I just thought it would be just a beautiful joke if we could take this pretty toxic, negative, destructive force of Infowars and rebrand it as this beautiful place for our creativity,” Heidecker told the New York Times.
For the families of the Sandy Hook shooting victims, who won a massive defamation verdict against Jones, this deal represents justice and a path forward. Chris Mattei, a lawyer representing the families, explained that their objective "has always been to prevent Alex Jones from being able to cause harm at scale." Mattei noted that "satire and humor can be universal," adding that if the comedy site can successfully reach Jones's former audience "and help bring them out of the dark, that would be wonderful.”
Meanwhile, The Onion plans to sell merchandise on the platform to raise money for the victims' families. Onion CEO Ben Collins summarized the media company's unique approach: “We are excited to lie constantly for cold, hard cash, but this time in a cool way, and we’ll make sure some of it gets back to the families.”
Businesses avoid breath-holding as administration starts giving back tariffs

(Getty Images)
Following a major Supreme Court defeat, the Trump administration has officially begun accepting requests to refund over $166 billion in illegal tariffs, plus accrued interest. On Monday, a new government system called “CAPE” launched to help hundreds of thousands of importers recover their money.
While the government estimates a 60-to-90-day turnaround for payouts, impacted businesses remain highly skeptical. Melkon Khosrovian, co-founder of Greenbar Distillery, told the New York Times, "We’re thinking we might get it back, we might not get it back," adding that "It feels like a very opaque process." Cassie Abel, CEO of Wild Rye, told the paper, "I wouldn’t say I’m at all optimistic that they are going to come in a timely manner."
Still, it’s the thought that counts, surely?
Song of the Day: Josiah and the Bonnevilles, ‘Going Gone’
If you've ever felt the sting of time moving just a little too fast, this one is going to hit home…
Are you ‘financially faithful’ to your partner?

(Google Nano Banana Pro)
Are you cheating on your spouse? No, not with the neighbor, with your checking account! According to the Wall Street Journal, "financial infidelity" is increasingly at the center of modern breakups.
Think maintaining secret bank accounts, hiding a job loss, or blowing the marital budget on sneaky DraftKings $DKNG ( ▲ 0.31% ) bets. For example, I once had a buddy with a secret fishing equipment budget. He simply couldn’t tell his wife how much he was blowing on the stuff. Then I had another friend with a cocaine addiction. Care to guess which of the couples is still married?
They both are.
With 23% of couples keeping totally separate bank accounts today, concealing your unsavory shopping sprees has never been easier.
As New York attorney Evan Schein explains, “Many people are leading separate financial lives, or one spouse is in the dark.” Just ask Jeff Gaull, who hid his reduced work hours from his wife, reasoning, “I felt like if I told her right off the bat it would cause unnecessary stress on both of us.”
Or take podcast host Tamsen Fadal, who blindly let her ex handle their finances, blissfully assuming, “He’s going to take care of it all.” (He didn’t). Matrimonial attorney Marilyn Chinitz warns that uncovering these hidden money secrets is "like taking a piece of fabric and pulling it and all of a sudden everything starts to unfold."
I, of course, keep a secret bank account for buying my wife flowers and other treats. So these things aren’t always a terrible idea. Okay, that’s a lie. I don’t. But the thought was there! The thought was there!
Warsh going on with the new Fed governor, Kevin?

(Getty Images)
Kevin Warsh is gearing up for his highly anticipated Senate confirmation hearings today to become the next Federal Reserve Chair, aiming to succeed Jay Powell. But what exactly is his game plan?
Warsh has waited years for this moment and plans to implement major institutional changes, primarily by shrinking the Fed’s massive $6.7 trillion balance sheet and adopting a "less-is-more" communication policy. Former senior Fed official Vincent Reinhart explained his mindset to the Financial Times: "Warsh’s case for rowing back on communication is that they will be acting so consistently that it’s not necessary to speak all the time."
The biggest wild card is whether his historically hawkish stance will collide with Trump's aggressive push for immediate interest rate cuts. Former Fed vice-chair Don Kohn observed, "Logically, Trump would give [Warsh] some room... But logic doesn’t always prevail on Truth Social." Despite the immense political pressure, former colleague Alan Schwartz insists Warsh will prioritize the data: "Kevin will not stay rigid... Kevin has a strong reputation as an expert on financial policy and will be driven to get to the right answer.”
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Should you check your 401(k) today?
👎️
Not today.
Poll of the day: Breath-holding?
Are you holding your breath for the administration to turn over billions of tariff refunds to businesses? |
Poll of the day: Chop chop chop chop chop chop
We asked: “Have we entered the era of the "mega layoff"?”
You answered:
🟨🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️ If by that you mean, are companies replacing people with AI at a rate likely to cause social unrest soon? Then yes. (131)
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 If by that you mean, are companies placing investors above their workforces at a higher rate than ever? Then yes. (194)
🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ If by that you mean, are CEOs of these companies increasingly wielding the axe in a way that could be regarded as callous and unsympathetic? Then yes. (116)
⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ No. (19)
🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Capitalism reduces the state of the worker to a commodity, serving at the "whim of the rich." — Karl Marx (106)
566 Votes via @beehiiv polls
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