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Now: News…

Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor

Table of Contents

• Silence in the City: Where Did All the Kids Go?

• Investors’ AI Reckoning Continues

• Austin's Robotaxis Have Mastered Bad Parking

• Inside the JPMorgan ‘Sex Slave’ Lawsuit

• Meta’s Mountain of Lawsuits Piles Up

• Poll of the Day: Meta-stisism

• Poll of the Day: Well, This Is Awkward

What’s the Stock Market Up To, Eh?

$SPX ( ▲ 0.21% )  $DJI ( ▲ 1.03% )  $NDX ( ▲ 1.59% )  

Companies Mentioned in Today’s Newsletter

$SSNLF ( ▲ 116.8% )  $SKHY ( ▼ 8.99% )  $BCS ( ▼ 5.53% )  $GOOG ( ▲ 1.85% )  $STT ( ▼ 1.13% )  $META ( ▼ 0.08% )  

Silence in the City: Where Did All the Kids Go?

If you walk through America’s concrete jungles today, you might notice something eerie: a lack of sticky fingers and high-pitched tantrums (unless you’re on Wall Street, in which case those might belong to the bankers). A Wall Street Journal analysis reveals that the number of children under 18 in big U.S. cities has declined by 6% over the past decade. Even worse for diaper manufacturers, the under-five population in these urban hubs has plummeted by a staggering 15%.

It turns out that raising a child in a city now requires a significant financial portfolio. In Brooklyn, freelance content creator Jenna Edwards, 44, gave up on IVF when faced with projected bills of up to $22,000. As she put it, "Finances definitely influenced just how hard we were willing to try," noting it is easy to feel "angry or resentful" about how money dictated her choices. Meanwhile, in San Jose — where the under-five population has fallen by 34% — Ernie Solis faced $25,000 annual daycare bills per kid before moving his family to Idaho. His review of the city grind? "I was just over it.”

For those opting to remain childless, the lifestyle trade-offs are spectacular. In Philadelphia, where the kid population fell 6%, 39-year-old Nija Rivera spends her time on daily hot yoga and acting classes. "I love taking classes and learning new things," she said, enjoying the activities she missed during her own working-class childhood.

For the parents who fled, the old urban vibe has died. Fernando Escobedo of El Paso laments, "It’s not the vibe it was 10 years ago when there were still kids here." Now, he mostly sees retirees gardening. Over in Milwaukee, Taneal Jordan got tired of rusty playgrounds and stolen packages, planning a move to Green Bay: "It just seemed like a very nice place where I would have no problem letting my kid ride a bike down the street.”

So, enjoy the quiet, urbanites. Your cities are officially adult-only playgrounds.

Quote of the Day

Investors’ AI Reckoning Continues

Investors who spent the first half of the year aggressively throwing billions at anything resembling an AI microchip are suddenly realizing that building digital minds is too expensive for the stock prices they’ve been willing to pay. As a result, global chipmakers are getting hammered in a brutal rout. South Korea’s tech-heavy Kospi index plunged so quickly yesterday morning it triggered a temporary trading halt, leaving Samsung and SK Hynix $SKHY ( ▼ 8.99% ) shares in freefall. One senior equities trader in Tokyo was shell-shocked by the speed of the crash, admitting, “I can’t remember seeing anything this bad or violent.”

What changed? Wall Street is increasingly noticing that big tech's massive cash burn might not have a, let’s say…immediate…return on investment. As Venu Krishna of Barclays $BCS ( ▼ 5.53% ) told the Financial Times, “Worries around funding uncertainties, capex increases, and Big Tech free cash flow have taken center stage.” Google's parent, Alphabet $GOOG ( ▲ 1.85% ) , got punished with a 7% share drop in a single day last week simply for admitting they'd burned through more cash than they’ve made in a quarter, splurging on AI infrastructure.

Albert Saporta, group chief executive of GAM put it bluntly, calling the crash “a realization that this AI capex frenzy will end up in a bust like all capex frenzies.”

But hey, if you enjoy absolute chaos, Marija Veitmane of State Street $STT ( ▼ 1.13% ) is here to soothe your nerves, calling this terrifying downward spiral a fantastic “buy the dip opportunity.” #NotFinancialAdvice

Austin's Robotaxis Have Mastered Bad Parking

We were promised that the self-driving future would bring order, safety, and peak technological efficiency to our roads. Instead, Alphabet's $GOOG ( ▲ 1.85% ) autonomous Waymo fleet has achieved something far more relatable: Becoming absolute parking menaces.

Since rollouts began in Austin in 2024, Waymo’s robotaxis have racked up $9,325 in parking tickets. Yes, the software designed to navigate complex spatial geometry apparently looks at a tow-away zone sign and thinks, “Eh, looks like a good spot to idle.” Waymo’s stellar record includes 64 fines for parking in tow-away zones, nine for double parking, and 13 instances of failing to pay a simple meter. One overachieving car even managed to partially block an active railroad track.

But the real friction is happening in the wild. One exasperated Austin resident reported a Waymo idling right in front of a church garage during a Sunday service, blocking everyone, and lamented, “There needs to be some way to get them to move.”

Waymo, however, is taking it all in stride. Like any true Austin transplant, they accept that parking tickets are just the cost of doing business. A Waymo spokesman noted, “We do not expect different treatment [in regard] to ticketing.” 

Indeed, they get the full human experience — including fighting the system. The spokesman added that the company “may engage with the court to address and resolve them, including contesting cases on their merit if we believe they were issued erroneously.”

So while independent data proves Waymo is statistically safer than human drivers, rest assured that when it comes to blocking your driveway, double parking, and getting towed, the AI has successfully replicated the authentic city driver experience.

Song of the Day: Koryn Hawthorne, ‘His Favorite’

“His Favorite” by Koryn Hawthorne is a critically acclaimed crossover anthem that bridges contemporary gospel and smooth R&B. The single serves as the uplifting lead preview for her upcoming EP, Big Gospel. The track features an infectious groove, lyrical depth, and remarkable vocals.

Inside the JPMorgan ‘Sex Slave’ Lawsuit

Wall Street has always been famous for its cutthroat culture, but a federal lawsuit from former JPMorgan Chase $JPM ( ▲ 0.31% ) banker Chirayu Rana suggests the leveraged-finance team took "onboarding" to a bizarre new level. Rana has escalated his viral state lawsuit to federal court, alleging a wild mix of civil-rights violations, racism, and sexual assault.

According to the complaint, Rana, who is Nepalese, was told he was only hired to meet “diversity metrics.” His former colleague, Lorna Hajdini, allegedly explained the bank's true aesthetic standards, reportedly telling him that the firm favored people who look like chief executive Jamie Dimon, and wanted to “keep the firm white and Christian.” Who knew a corporate dress code incorporated eugenics?

But the suit gets even more sensational. In his original viral complaint, Rana claimed Hajdini sexually assaulted him for months, seasoned with high-finance taunts like telling him his wife “doesn’t have these cannons.”

“This [lawsuit] seeks to expose and remedy a workplace where racism was normalized, sexual coercion was tolerated, and retaliation was weaponized against those who refused to remain silent,” Rana’s filing reads.

Naturally, JPMorgan is not amused by this public relations challenge. A spokesman declared that the bank doesn’t believe there is “any merit to Rana’s claims.” Furthermore, the spokesman noted that the bank has “no intention of settling the suit.” This is a bold stance, considering the bank reportedly offered Rana $1 million to settle before he filed his initial lawsuit. Meanwhile, Hajdini’s legal team dismissed the allegations as “entirely made up” and stated the two never even had sexual relations.

Meta’s Mountain of Lawsuits Piles Up

Mark Zuckerberg wants to build a futuristic AI wonderland, planning to spend up to $145 billion this year buying high-tech chips. There’s just one tiny, multi-trillion-dollar speedbump: A massive mountain of lawsuits accusing Meta $META ( ▼ 0.08% ) of intentionally designing its products to addict teenagers.

Four attorneys general are casually asking for $1.4 trillion in damages, roughly equivalent to Meta’s entire market capitalization. No big deal, right? While tech analyst Josh Beck remains relaxed, noting, “we need to see a little more direction before people become concerned,” others are sweating. Brian Mulberry of Zacks Investment Management asks the million-dollar question, “How can they handle this? How are they prepared to handle this? . . . I do think it’s a real risk for sure.” Indeed, data-privacy lawyer Phil Yannella points out, “You wouldn’t want to keep losing these cases in a row. They make a ton of money, but they could be looking at billions in liability.”

Meta's defense? Promising they will “defend itself vigorously while focusing on providing ‘safe, age appropriate experiences parents tell us they want for their teens’.” But when courts ask them to actually implement these safe, non-addictive features, the company panics. Meta's chief privacy and compliance officer, Michel Protti, testified that certain requested changes have a “high potential to grind all our global product development to a halt.” Heaven forbid the new Facebook poke button gets delayed because we had to stop addicting children…

With user growth flatlining and a mountain of litigation scaling up, Zuck’s AI transition is off to a roaring start. Maybe his next AI model can find a loophole?

Free Yourself From Advertising Forever!

Should You Check Your 401(k) Today?

👎️ 

Definitely not.

Poll of the Day: Meta-stisism

Poll of the Day: Well, This Is Awkward

We asked you:

You answered:

🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ 1 (43)
🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ 2 (45)
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 3 (151)
🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ 4 (72)
🟨🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️ NONE OF THE ABOVE. I THOUGHT IT WAS FINE THE FIRST TIME AROUND! (122)
433 Votes via @beehiiv polls

So that’s that, then, I guess. (*Sadly, the results of N2K polls do not mandate things happening in real life, but we can see a strong preference there!)

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