Happy Thursday, !

This week’s world-famous news haiku competition™ is, in somewhat timely news, about the Supreme Court ruling that emergency powers don’t cover imposing tariffs. Send me your entry — to haiku at cheddar dot com — by noon ET today, for consideration by your Cheddar peers.

There’s also some news you Need2Know. Let’s get to it…

Matt Davis — Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• Who won the State of the Union Rorschach test?

• Tech leads day two of a stock market rally

• Maybe watch the Beast Games finale!

• Inside the court case accusing social media of har …

• Epstein fallout, episode 105 and counting

• Poll of the day: SOTU Rorschach blues

• Poll of the day: You’re confused by the stock mark …

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

$SPX ( ▲ 0.81% ) $DJI ( ▲ 0.63% ) $NDX ( ▲ 1.26% )  

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter

$NVDA ( ▲ 1.41% )  $GOOG ( ▲ 0.68% )  $AMZN ( ▲ 1.0% )  $CAVA ( ▲ 26.36% )  $AXON ( ▲ 17.55% )  $FSLR ( ▼ 13.61% )  $LOW ( ▼ 5.59% )  $META ( ▲ 2.25% )  $GOOGL ( ▲ 0.64% )  

Who won the State of the Union Rorschach test?

President Donald Trump’s 2026 State of the Union was a marathon political inkblot. Clocking in at a record-breaking 108 minutes — the longest in history — the address was interpreted as either a "Golden Age" manifesto or a "fictional" narrative. Bloomberg responded by rounding up inflation data since 2020:

• Electricity is up 41%

• Beef and veal are up 59%

• Daycare is up 39%

• Home prices are up 46%

• Coffee is up 50%

• Colleges are up 22%

• Restaurants are up 35%

• Pet services are up 44%

The speech highlighted staggering, if contested, metrics. Trump touted a 56% drop in fentanyl flow but provided no evidence, and claimed the murder rate hit a 125-year low. Experts say it is impossible to know how much more or less of an illicit drug is getting into the U.S., while crime data shows that violent crime continued to decline in 2025. But the trend began in 2022 after a spike in crime, particularly murders, in 2020 — the year the pandemic began and the last year of Trump’s first term.

The president also faced, let’s say, scrutiny, for claiming without any basis that he secured $18 trillion in global investment commitments — a figure representing nearly 60% of U.S. GDP. A White House website tallying such promises puts the total at $9.6 trillion for “U.S. and Foreign Investments,” but provides very few details on these agreements.

The reactions were predictably split. Senator Markwayne “TwoNames” Mullin (R-OK) praised Trump as a "fearless patriot" leading a "turnaround for the ages." Representative Byron “I’m Running for Governor” Donalds (R-FL) echoed this, saying that the "Economy [is] BOOMING."

Conversely, if not surprisingly, Democrats saw a different reality. Governor Abigail “Spanner in the Works” Spanberger (D-VA) argued "we did not hear the truth," warning that new tariffs could cost families $1,700 annually. Representative Raul “RR” Ruiz (D-CA) was sharper, suggesting Trump deserves a "Nobel Prize for fiction.”

With inflation at 2.4% but 72% of Americans still rating the economy as “poor,” the 2026 SOTU remains a test where the winner is really up to you, . Get your feelings out in today’s poll.

Tech leads day two of a stock market rally

Wall Street rallied for the second day in a row on Wednesday as tech giants propelled the market [checks notes] upward, with Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 1.41% ) leading the charge ahead of its highly anticipated earnings report. Often considered a bellwether for the U.S. stock market, it climbed 2.3%, boosting expectations as analysts forecast its profit to surge by nearly 70% year-over-year, reaching a staggering $37.52 billion.

Reflecting on concerns over the ongoing AI boom, Darrell “Mr. Stonks“ Cronk, chief investment officer at Wells Fargo Wealth & Investment Management, noted, “While those concerns are real, we believe investors would be wise to balance them out with offsetting trends that may be underappreciated.”

So: Your guess is as good as mine, mate. That’s how you feel about the markets, too, it turns out, from yesterday’s poll.

Nvidia’s dominance underscores AI’s growing influence on the market, as companies like Alphabet $GOOG ( ▲ 0.68% ) and Amazon $AMZN ( ▲ 1.0% ) continue investing heavily in AI tools and chips.

Outside the AI spotlight, smaller companies also made waves. Cava Group $CAVA ( ▲ 26.36% ) , a fast-casual Mediterranean restaurant chain I’ve never heard of — except for when border czar Tom Homan accepted what appeared to be a $50,000 “gift” in a Cava bag — surged 24.3% after surpassing $1 billion in annual revenue for the first time. I now wish I’d heard of them last week, frankly.

Axon Enterprise $AXON ( ▲ 17.55% ) also soared 18.2%, thanks to strong earnings for its AI-equipped body cameras and Tasers, and we don’t want to think too hard about why those items are now in such high demand. On the flip side, First Solar $FSLR ( ▼ 13.61% ) plunged 15% due to disappointing earnings, while Lowe’s $LOW ( ▼ 5.59% ) fell 4.7%, as CEO Marvin “Neither Larry Nor David” Ellison cited pressure across the broad housing market.

Quote of the Day

Maybe watch the Beast Games finale!

The season two finale of Beast Games is here, and according to co-creator and showrunner Sean “The K Spot“ Klitzner, it "won't disappoint." The team has actively worked to elevate the experience, moving past random challenges to make this season "really skill-based.”

Klitzner promises a truly climactic episode for viewers, sharing that the finale is “going to close a lot of loops” and is “not just a, you know, boring finale episode, there’s a lot that happens.”

So, that’s good.  

Klitzner points to the simplicity of the core concepts, giving the example of the prize-doubling element: “Everybody understands a coin flip. Heads, tails, that’s it,” he said. Simple!

Ultimately, what sets Beast Games apart is its [checks notes] unpredictable nature. With the promise of bigger twists and the potential for a massive prize, you can watch it on Amazon Prime.

Song of the Day: Noah Guy, ‘Higher’

Here’s a soulful, crunchy retro R&B track that serves as a mission statement for Mr. Guy’s upcoming album, MEMORIA.

Free yourself from advertising forever!

Inside the court case accusing social media of harming kids

Social media giants, most notably Meta $META ( ▲ 5.2% ) and Google $GOOGL ( ▲ 0.64% ) , are facing a landmark legal challenge that could fundamentally change how tech companies are held accountable. The lawsuit centers on the argument that their platforms are not protected "platforms," but rather "products"—like tobacco—that are addictive and cause real-world harm to young people.

Axios Tech policy reporter Maria “No Relation to the Scientist Who Discovered Radiation” Curi told us the bellwether case features a plaintiff, “KGM,” who claims her use of social media led to self-harm and depression, while Meta argues against a direct causal link.

Curi highlighted the profound implications of a Meta loss on the industry’s legal defense: "If the plaintiffs win, I do think that it would erode this long-standing liability shield that the tech industry has really relied on," she said.

With over 1,500 similar cases pending, the jury's decision is a crucial indicator of whether legal scrutiny will force a fundamental redesign of addictive platform features like infinite scroll.

Epstein fallout, episode 105 and counting

Former Harvard University President Larry Summers is resigning from his teaching and leadership positions at the university over his ties to Jeffrey “The New York Financier” Epstein. A former Treasury Secretary and arguably one of the foremost economists of his era, whatever that means, Summers had already stepped back from duties at Harvard and several other organizations, including the New York Times, Bloomberg and OpenAI. He has been on leave from Harvard since November, presumably hoping he could cling to his job once this thing blew over.

Spoiler alert: It didn’t blow over.

Meanwhile $MSFT ( ▲ 2.98% ) founder Bill Gates apologized to staff at his foundation over his own Epstein ties at a town hall on Tuesday. He acknowledged that he had two “affairs” with “Russian women” that Epstein later discovered, but said they didn’t involve Epstein’s victims. “I did nothing illicit. I saw nothing illicit,” Gates said, according to a recording reviewed by The Wall Street Journal.

Meanwhile the Epstein Files are missing records about a woman who made claims against President Trump, the New York Times reports. Documents released by the Justice Department briefly mention a woman’s unverified accusation that Donald J. Trump assaulted her in the 1980s, when she was a minor. But several memos related to her account are not in the files, the paper reported yesteday. “It is unclear why the materials are missing,” the Times wrote with characteristic understatement, while noting that President Trump has repeatedly denied wrongdoing associated with Mr. Epstein.

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👍️ 

Yes. Glory days!

Poll of the day: SOTU Rorschach blues

Poll of the day: You’re confused by the stock market

We asked: Can you keep up with the stock market lately?

You answered:

🟨🟨🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️ Yes. It goes down. Then it goes up. Then it goes down. Then it goes up. What's complicated about that? (182)
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 No. It's almost like the whole thing is just based on sentiment and almost totally divorced from reality. (333)

515 Votes via @beehiiv polls

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