Hello, N2K’ers!

I’m delighted to introduce Cheddar’s world-famous News Haiku™ competition. The rules? Send me a haiku by Thursday at noon, Eastern, right here. Winner gets glory. Lots of glory! Which is the one thing you can’t buy with Dogecoin. Anyway, here’s how it will work: I’ll suggest a theme based on the news—say, for instance, the bickering between Donald Trump and Fed chair Jerome Powell. Then you’ll write something like this, but much better:

I bet you can do better. I know you can. So that’s the theme this week: Trump-Powell. Go!

—Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor

News You Need2Know

• ‘Ride’ classic Disneyland rides at home

• Wall Street hits all-time high five times in week

• Feds probing UnitedHealth over billing

• ‘Based’ ad campaigns are back, apparently

• Intel slashes its workforce as struggles continue

What’s the stock market up to, eh?

$SPX ( ▲ 0.08% ) $DJI ( ▼ 0.6% ) $NDX ( ▲ 0.56% )

Companies mentioned in today’s newsletter*

$DIS ( ▼ 0.42% )  $AMZN ( ▼ 0.57% )  $DECK ( ▼ 1.86% )  $EW ( ▲ 1.42% )  $INTC ( ▼ 1.13% )  $NVDA ( ▲ 2.37% )  $AMD ( ▲ 0.63% )  $MBGAF ( ▼ 4.18% )  $MSFT ( ▼ 0.41% )  $UNH ( ▲ 1.53% )  $AEO ( ▼ 3.04% )  

*We’re mentioning private companies here now, too.

‘Ride’ classic Disneyland rides at home

Can’t make it to Disneyland $DIS ( ▼ 0.42% ) because you have to pay for basic items on Amazon $AMZN ( ▼ 0.57% ) and they’ve been quietly jacking the prices on a host of essentials?

No worries! Thanks to Disney+ (which is a mere $9.99 per month or $15.99 without ads — say, going ad free for $5 a month is a GREAT IDEA and we offer it here at N2K, too!) you can now enjoy all the magic of the Happiest Place on Earth without leaving your couch. Forget waiting in line for hours to experience Big Thunder Mountain Railroad; now, you just hit play and thunder through that rocky terrain without worrying about stepping on a discarded Mickey pretzel or blowing the kids’ college fund at the Bippity Boppity Boutique.

Or you could order the clams casino at the dive bar down the street. It’s probably about the same price and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad barely covers the likely outcomes for your digestive system.

From Cars Land to Star Wars, Disney+ POV videos let you “ride” iconic attractions from the comfort of home. Sure, nothing beats the adrenaline rush of a 70-foot drop or the smell of churros every five feet, but these videos offer something else: uninterrupted, popcorn-infused viewing. You can even spot those little details normally lost while screaming during the next twist or turn. Plus, the nearest bathroom is always (I hope) just a few steps away—not a 20-minute walk while dodging strollers (see above re. “clams casino”).

Song of the day: Inigo De Souza, ‘Hearthrob’

From her new album “Precipice,” out Friday, Inigo De Souza’s “Heartthrob” is all about finding joy despite having experienced the odd trauma. So it’s relatable.

Wall Street hits all-time high five times in week

It was a banner week for Wall Street last week, as the S&P 500 $SPX ( ▲ 0.08% ) soared to record highs for five consecutive days. Helping to drive the surge was Deckers $DECK ( ▼ 1.86% ) , the company behind Ugg boots and Hoka shoes, which saw its stocks leap 12.3% after reporting impressive growth. The company’s revenue outside the U.S. grew nearly 50%, leading analysts to cheer its performance. Edwards Lifesciences $EW ( ▲ 1.42% ) followed suit, rising 4.3% as profits exceeded projections across all product groups.

On the flipside was Intel $INTC ( ▼ 1.13% ) , which struggled with an 8.5% drop after announcing job cuts and reporting losses. While once a tech leader of Silicon Valley, it has lagged behind competitors like Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 2.37% ) and AMD $AMD ( ▲ 0.63% ) amidst soaring demand for AI chips.

President Trump continues to lobby Fed Chair Jerome Powell for lower interest rates, but Powell continues to say he’ll wait for more economic data. The Fed cut borrowing costs by 1 percentage point last year but stopped the rate-cutting over fears that Trump’s tariffs will cause a new flare-up in inflation. Trump has called Powell a “numbskull” and “stubborn mule” in response. Mainstream economists tend to agree with Powell. Trump’s base is suspicious of the Fed and likes to see Trump attacking it.

“What worries me is that, with some of the arguments Trump makes, people might believe him,” a former senior central banker told the Financial Times. “He is just so good at making arguments that are 100 percent wrong and dangerous.”

Today on the ‘gram: Snack wraps r back

Post of the day: Lol noooooooooooo

Quote of the Day

Feds probing UnitedHealth over billing

UnitedHealth Group $UNH ( ▲ 1.53% ) is under scrutiny as the Department of Justice investigates its Medicare billing practices. After months of speculation fueled by unconfirmed reports, UnitedHealth officially announced on Thursday that it would “cooperate fully with the federal probe.”

In a statement, the company clarified that it had “proactively reached out” to the DOJ following reports of an investigation, signaling its willingness to assist both criminal and civil inquiries. The company’s statement, while unsigned, suggests a focus on transparency and collaboration to address the government’s concerns.

The Justice Department, however, has remained tight-lipped, declining to provide a comment at this time. Analysts note that federal probes into Medicare billing practices are not uncommon and could have significant implications for both the company and the broader health care industry.

Should you check your 401(k) today?

👍️ 

Only if you want to see it at its highest ever levels, my friend.

‘Based’ ad campaigns are back, apparently

American Eagle Outfitters' $AEO ( ▼ 3.04% ) stock surged last week after the brand unveiled a bold new ad campaign featuring actress Sydney Sweeney, best known for her role in “Euphoria.” The campaign, which introduces American Eagle’s fall collection, sparked excitement among investors, driving shares up over 10% intraday before closing 4.2% higher last Thursday.

The edgy campaign “showcases” Sweeney in a steamy denim-focused ad, working under the hood of a vintage Mustang GT350 in a tight tank top before slamming it shut and wiping her hands on her jeans. Social media buzz surrounding the campaign likened it to a rejection of "woke" advertising trends that have flopped for certain brands.

“Based ad campaigns are back, and wokery is gasping for breath,” commented X user Zia Yusuf, who happens to be an extreme rightwing politician in England.

“Based” is Gen Z slang. It means something that is controversial yet true. That’s what a 19-year-old told us, and we don’t think she was making it up, although she was rolling her eyes, possibly reflexively.

Analysts credited the campaign for shifting public sentiment about the retailer, whose stock had fallen by 35% this year prior to the recent surge.

Aside from American Eagle’s newfound meme stock momentum, Sweeney’s previous ad campaigns have proven her marketing prowess. Her partnership with Dr. Squatch in 2024 generated viral buzz that led to a $1.5 billion acquisition of the brand by Unilever.

Intel slashes its workforce as struggles continue

Intel $INTC ( ▼ 1.13% ) , once a beacon of innovation in Silicon Valley, is now a beacon of something else. The company is undergoing some “drastic changes,” too. Which is corporate speak for layoffs.

In a memo to employees on Thursday, the firm’s CEO addressed the tough decisions being made. “I know the past few months have not been easy. We are making hard but necessary decisions to streamline the organization, drive greater efficiency and increase accountability at every level of the company,” he wrote.

That’s why the new CEO plans to fire himself reduce the company’s core workforce to 75,000 by the end of the year, down from 99,500 a year prior.

Intel’s operational challenges have been exacerbated by the advent of AI, where rivals like Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 2.37% ) dominate the market. Despite a second-quarter revenue of $12.9 billion, Intel reported a loss of $2.9 billion.

Poll of the Day: What do you think of ‘based’ ads?

Poll Results: You’re bearish about Tesla

We asked: What do you think is more likely for Tesla's share price over the next six months?

You answered:

🟨⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ It'll go up 10% (110)

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 It'll go down 10% (405)

515 Votes via @beehiiv polls